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its all my fault

Posted by Sdiggle on 22 December 2013.

I know an addict is the best liar but never did I think they would still continue to use when blessed with two beautiful children I have a little boy of 2 and a beautiful baby girl 5months I would do anything for my children even when though they do sometimes drive me crazy but its hit me today I shout scream and get stressed with my two year old all the time but the truth is im not angry at him im angry at his dad im so angry for what he is putting us through and im sick of hearing him say they are young they do not understand and yeah they do not understand but they will remember and that breaks my heart I pick up his methadone sometimes an my son says are we going to get daddys  medicine that breaks my heart an makes me sick but he loves his dad so much could I live with myself to take him away from them but what about me its not fair im sick of living in the shadow of the heroin I want to believe and trust him so much but every time I do he screws me again its like im giving him a golden ticket to carry on aslong as He thinks I dont know then in his eyes he is not hurting anyone , if only it was that simple if only he was the only one affected , but the truth is we his family we are tge the only ones really affected we have to pick up the pieces make the excuses as to why we have no money why we cannot visit etc etc, and then we are told to give him a break get of his case etc etc , really where does it end what do I do now someone  tell me that!!

Comments

Detta
30 Dec 2013

My daughter is in the same position as you.  All I can offer is what will you say to your son or your daughter when they ask why didn't you take them out of this situation when they were little.  You have a choice my lovely, they don't.  They will see too much and hear too much and learn how unsafe the world is at an early age.  It's very possible your little boy will make his daddy his hero and seek his approval in terms of copying what he see's I know its hard but our kids need the best start we can give them and is it not better for them to feel loved safe nurtured and comfortable with one parent who makes their world ok rather than with two and be subjected to all the horrors that addiction brings?
Sorry if this is not what you want to hear but you as a wonderful woman and a great mummy deserve more...what will you teach your little girl?  How will you show your little boy strength and confidence?  Get yourself some decent help, a good support network and get the hell out of there with your kids intact x x

Sdiggle
3 Jan 2014

Detta, thankyou so much for your kind words I love my children so very much that I know I have to do what is right by them , never would I want my actions to cause them hurt, I have contacted a local supportgroup that I am going to go too and hopefully that will help give mr the strength to walk away and find true happiness xx

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