We care, for the better.
A place for families, because you don't have to use drugs to be affected by them.
- How do I know if they're using drugs?
- Why do they use drugs/alcohol?
- Is it my fault?
- How can I cope with their behaviour?
- Understanding the stages of addiction and recovery
- Where do I get the help I need?
- Getting support for your loved one
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its back again!
Posted by Snow on 11 January 2016.
When i met my husband nearly 20 years ago i knew he had had his problems but had no knowledge he had been a drug user or addicted to class A drugs prior to us getting married. Shortly after getting married his behaviour changed. I put this down to us expecting a baby and moving home all quite quickly. This was new to me, I had no experience of drugs or what to look for. It came out whilst i was heavily pregnant that he had an addiction to Heroin. A few weeks after my daughter was born we argued. I went out to take her for a walk and something told me to return home. I returned and was feeding her, he came and kissed her and went upstairs as we were not speaking. I heard a loud bang and ran upstairs. He was collapsed behind the bedroom door not breathing and had turned blue. I called 999 and they tried to calm me and talk to me, i was quite hysterical and said I didn't have time to speak as he was not breathing. I ran upstairs and realised we had a phone up there too. The fantastic emergency services talked me through giving him CPR and by some miracle he started breathing again, so loudly she could hear him on the phone. The ambulance then arrived and took over. It took a long time to stabilise him and even reach the hospital as we had to travel so slowly in the ambulance as his heart kept stopping. This addiction continued for many years until I was expecting my second child 5 years later. At that point I knew i could not do this anymore and following my sons birth he did stop using. Life took a turn for the better and I hadn't been this happy in a long time. About 4 years later we were there again. This time it resulted in him going to rehab. He left rehab after 3 weeks and came home more determined than ever. Life was fantastic. Over the next few years he managed to set up his own business and managed to excel last year saving for nearly half the cost of buying our home. Earlier this year I had three relatives, including my dad die very suddenly within a week. This was a great shock and I took some time off work to sort things. I went back to work a few months later. Then after a couple of months i had noticed my husband was at home from work early (he never has time off!) and knew something was wrong. But still never imagined we would ever be back there again. Then I found a syringe. My heart sank, i confronted him, he did not know what to say. I had to get out of the house, i was so upset. When I returned home he had left the home, he said for a few days to get his head together, I also felt this was for the best. Bit as always he promised me the world and he returned home swearing to me that it was over and he did not want that life. More fool me. The last 3 and 1/2 months have been a misery. He went away to the coast which we paid for for a couple of weeks which we paid for to sort of do our own rehab. After a week he came home unexpected. He said the relationship was over and i would be better off without him. I was distraught, but asked him to leave immediately if he was going to take drugs. Again he left and then continued to message me begging me to speak to him. I did and as soon as i saw him fell to bits. He said he had only said we were over as he could see no way out and it was easier to push me away so he could end it all. I knew deep down this was how he would play things. I should have known better and been stronger. He was due to return and to the coast and stay away for another few weeks to recover but we had a break in and he had to return home. Since then life has been a misery. I contacted his old support worker at the drug service who agreed to help. He is taking Bupremorphine for the heroin addiction. Although he is also addicted to cocaine. he injects both. I thought this would be a magic solution to the problem and tried to look forward to christmas. Christmas eve he brought some drugs, he told me it was cocaine and that he wasn't planning on using christmas day. From christmas eve night i never really saw him for a week. He was shut in the bedroom for most of it, clearly doped up on heroin and cocaine. This week i have lost another relative and we have to meet with family, who i have hidden this from to travel to cornwall for the funeral. He has stayed clean for several days and then lied to me on friday insisting he had not brought any. I found it in the bedroom after a good search. Asked him why he lied, no reason given. We hadn't spoken all weekend. Not really spoken since. I feel like I'm done. We have gone from nearly £20,000 in savings to £3,000 in weeks. Im so worried about everything. I can't sleep thinking we will lose the house. I only work part time and have taken some time off sick meaning I've gone down to half pay, so i am sorting out returning as soon as possible now, even though i don't know how i will manage this as I'm so tearful all the time and i work with mental illness so this isn't ideal. I feel like this is it. But he won't go anywhere. He has a way of turning things on me. when i asked him today where we go from here he said because i had suggested the other day we split our money in half and go separate ways that i had made the decision. But he's still here. I know he won't go anywhere. I don't know what to do. I don't want to uproot the children, my son has IBD and my daughter is doing her a levels, it wouldn't be fair, and I have nowhere to go and no family to go to. I know theres no solution i think i just needed to get this out of me. thanks for reading. xx
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