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jmum

Posted by jmum on 12 April 2015.

my son has been smoking weed for at least 5 years, he dropped out of school, despite being really bright.  I am worried he has mental health problems.  He has a criminal record relating to his drug use, has stolen off us and his brother, lies, is manipulative, is currently in breach of his bail, he doesn't work, he left home at 16 but had left emotionally way before then, he used to stay out overnight and has done since he was fairly young, it was a real worry but eventually you become to expect the behaviour and when 1 night turns into 2 or 3 it seems normal.  We have made excuses for him, given him money, kidded ourselves into thinking the stories he made up about needing money were true and have enabled him for a long time.  We have just started to say no to him and it's really tough.  He threatens suicide, he tells me tonight he is going to start walking 100miles tomorrow because he has nowhere to go, hasn't eaten for 5 days and hasn't showered and has a friend with a tent he can share in this city.  I have offered him a shower and food but will not give him money - which ultimately is what he is asking for.  I expect daily a telephone call to tell me he has had an accident, overdosed or been successful in taking his own life - although he is very selfish and I try to convince myself he just tells me he is going to kill himself so that I give in and give him money and he wouldn't really do this.  I don't know how to help him and have tried to protect myself and my family so that we can get through whatever he brings to the door next but it is really tough.

Comments

jmum
12 Apr 2015

He admits to also taking cocaine and methamphetamines and has been told if he carries on taking drugs at the level he is currently doing he is at risk of death.  He has been to rehab and lasted two weeks before he was asked to leave.

Icarus Trust
13 Apr 2015

Hi jmum
So sad for you. This must be very hard for you to cope with but I'm sure that you are doing the right thing for your son. If you would like to talk with someone who would understand where you are coming from, The Icarus Trust is a charity that supports the family and friends of addicts. We have trained volunteers called 'Family Friends' who are experienced at talking with people in similar situations to yourself. It might help you to talk through how you are feeling with one of them and they could signpost you to what other help is available. It is a free service so I hope that you might  try us and find it helpful.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
Good luck!

maddie
29 Apr 2015

Hi just wanted to say I've been through the same thing with my son and it as be going on for the last 9 years. He has robbed me and my family broke into my house stolen other things . Time and time again I have given him chances I've heard everything your son is saying he has threatened suicied many times and like you I have sat waiting for the knock on the door. He caused me to have a breakdown almost destroyed my marriage of 30 years my husband and daughter both ended up on antidepressants and one day something just clicked. I can no longer let him destroy my life so I cut him off. I changed my number and don't get me wrong it killed me to do it 
But we are all getting better and I hear about my son on the grapevine he is still doing drugs and got people after him for money etc but he is surviving
Ng. I thought this tough love might stop him but it as done nothing at all. He just used to play constant mind games with me ringing to say he got no food no cigs etc when I was in touch I would by him food but found out he sold it for drugs. I have spoke on Adam before and people with sons/ daughters on drugs they all seem to sing from the same sheet all the story's are very alike. I decided to put my husband daughter and myself first for once. If he knocked on my door saying he was getting help and he really was to get of the drugs then maybe I would take slow steps to let him back in life but untill then no. He as also been in prison 4 times but that did nothing to stop him. Concentrate on your family at home for now maybe one day your son will see sense.

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