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Koch

Posted by Koch on 3 June 2015.

Hi,I have been with my partner for 6yrs.who is an alcoholic.i have a 11yr old son,I have got to the point that I no longer love my partner,he has put us through so much with he's drinking.that I resent him now and no longer want to be with him but he won't accept this and gets angry so I have to tell him what he wants to hear,I love him,I will never leave him.the truth I wish I could get him out of our lives.i can't see how I can I feel trapped and pathetic for not having the courage to tell him it's over.i have tried talking to he's family but it's their son.they don't help they buy him alcohol daily so he won't go and get it he's self.they think he can control he's drinking I disagree.i don't know what to do anymore.

Comments

flo
7 Jun 2015

Hi Koch, I completely understand where you are coming from, I have recognised for a while now that my husbands drinking is a massive strain on our marriage, he is very unpredictable when he drinks and is either very loving or a complete monster. There have been a few occasions where this monster has come out (including Monday this week) and the damage to the love I have for him seems irreparable. I still love him and care about him deeply but am "sitting on the fence" I can't decide whether to stay or go. He has been working away this week and following our bust up he has recognised he has an alcohol abuse problem and even been in touch with a helpline. I myself called a helpline I found on drinkaware.co.uk and they put me in touch with my local counselling service, I have an appointment with them in a couple of weeks, I know it will feel great to get it all out. Even just taking the step to explain to someone on the phone has made me feel stronger in myself, they are not there to judge or tell you what to do but one thing that really hit home was that they said to me "it's not just about the choices your husband makes, the choices YOU make will also have consequences" this has empowered me to take a huge step back and evaluate the situation. I have have been completely upfront with him, I have told him that although I love him I am undecided as to whether I want to be with him but that I do want to support and help him regardless of our relationship. We have had a couple of rocky months with one thing and another and I have had my share of coping with addicts but it's different in every case and you have to do what is right for you and your son. If you feel threatened or are concerned over your or your sons safety there is help out there and accommodation available. Don't suffer in silence and know that you are not responsible for your partners drinking or behaviour, it's not acceptable and frankly life is just too damn short to be miserable. Hoping things improve for you x

Icarus Trust
22 Jun 2015

This must is very tough for you having to make such hard decisions and I agree with Flo its very important that you get some help for yourself.
The Icarus Trust is a charity that supports the friends and families of addicts. If  you contact us we could put you in touch with one of our 'Family Friends' who you could talk with. They are very experienced trained volunteers who would understand where you are coming and this  might help you to decide a way forward.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
Good luck!

Crusha
3 Oct 2015

I understand your despair. My father was the same a monster through drink & mum finally plucked up enough courage to leave him when my brother was 12 yrs old. He is now 30 and although my mum has done an amazing job raising us & what she thought covering for my dad's behaviour as children we knew. Unfortunately my brother has seen to much & been used as a weapon of bitterness against his mum & sisters by my father & he is now the result of this a monster when drunk, a mirror image of my father. He is dependant on alcohol in times of stress & has his fix at great cost to himself & his family. We are devestated & cannot support him no more. You MUST find it in yourself to accept you cannot help him unless he accepts he has a problem that requires professional help. your son is also of a vulnerable age & it would be devastating for him to learn his ways which my brother has done. I feel I have lost a father & a brother to alcohol. Take care of yourself.

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