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Let Down

Posted by Suep on 3 February 2012.

My son will be 30 in a couple of weeks. He was always hard work and at 11 was sent to a bording school for children with behavioural problems, it closed when he was 13 so he had to go to a local unit for kids with problems. he got in with a gang who drank and shop lifted and generally got in trouble and he started at 14 running away from home to be with them. he also started stealing from us about that time and one time even stole all our the money we had saved up to take him, and his younger brother and sister on holiday, we still forgave him and let him come away with us. Social services got involved and he was in care for a while, but again kept running away and getting in trouble. We couldnt cope and after a while becuase of the effect on his brother and sister as well as ourselves we refused to have him back. He stayed with friends and by 20 was injecting heroin. One day he came home and begged is to help him get off it, we again let him come home and he did seem to sort himself out, even getting a job after a while. he met a nice girl and they moved in together, we thought all his problems were over although he was at this time still drinking heavily. He was with this partner for 6 years in which they had a gorgeous son, my son's drinking continued to get worse though , especially after he lost his job, it got to the point where his GP said if he didnt stop he would be dead within a year. His relationship broke up and he moved in with another girl, when that broke up due to his drinking and drug taking he ende dup on the streets, within a week he had walked into a shop, pulled a knife and and asked for cash from the till, the poor shop assistant said the till was locked, so he walked out, stole a grocery delivery van and drove off in that, he rang and told me what he had done and I told him to hand himself in which he did.
 He spent a year in prison, he said he did it on purpose to get in prison to come off the drink and drugs!  I visited him every 2 weeks and sent him money as much as possible, none of his so called mates bothered with him at all.He was dx with borderline personality disorder while inside and I hoped with treatment and support he would get better once he was out. He came out last June and we let him stay with us, at first he ws fine and seemed determined to sort his life out, he even got access back with his gorgeous little boy who was 4 by then and we had him to stay every other weekend which I loved. My husband and myself did notice that he was drinking again after a few weeks, but he promised he had it under control and we could do nothing but hope he was telling the truth, after a while it was obvious his drinking was out of control and he admitted to occasionally using speed as well, we were scared he would lose his son, but he kept saying it wouldnt happen.He had an app to go to the local mental health centre, but it kept being cancelled due to lack of staff. We had a good Xmas and he did still seem quite settled , but 3 weeks ago we got a phone call early in the morning from our bank fraud dept, they wanted to check some withdrawels, someone had withdrawn cash overnight adding up to almost £900 ( before and after midnight) I checked in my purse and my card was missing, my husband went into our sons room, we thought he was in bed, but his room was empty and the window wide open. He knew my card number as I am disabled and he acted as my carer when my husband was at work, going shopping for me sometimes etc, I trusted him , he hadnt stolen from us since in his teens and swore he would never steal from me as I have always stood by him. I feel such a fool now.

We were in shock for several days, but now have decide we have had enough,we've been going round and round in circles since he was 14 and we havent been able to help him at all. Im not saying I will never speak to my son again, but for now i dont want to. I just cant cope with anymore. Luckily his ex has said she will still let us see our grandson, although I dont kno when. I've just heard today he is back in prison. Im just trying to concentrate on the rest of my family and myself, but I cant stop thinking of my son and still care for him.
Im worried that he will keep on until he is dead, which is why Im relieved he is inside again, although I know drugs are rife in most prisons. I do feel he has been let down by different agencies that could have helped him, hes been to various addiction support places and was told the waiting list for rehab was too long.

Comments

ClairLP
22 Jun 2012

I totally feel your pain, my situation is very similar with my 25 year old son.  We have had 12 years of drug and alcohol issues, stealing everything we own, even from his younger brothers and sisters, he has been in jail twice, and both times has been the only times I have actually been able to relax.
We have had exactly the same issues with treatments and trying to get him into rehab.  So many things have happened over the years I couldn't even begin to put it into words.
I just feel like we will never ever be free from this worry and stress and it has completely changed me as a person, and the whole family.

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