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Letting go

Posted by JR on 20 August 2015.

My storey seems to similar to most. I have a 25 year old son hooked on Cocaine, started with canabis. Comes from a loving family and still lives at home, has lost jobs and suffers with paranioa. I have just returned from hospital this morning as he had up all night going through every cupboard, drawer and suitcase, as apparently we are trying to set him up. This is having an impact on my health and career and all because i cant show tough love and throw him out. I am paying off his debt, which keeps growing. He's sorry for putting me through this and promises it won't happen again. I find it hard finding the right support for him? I think it's time I let go but its breaking my heart. Please help!!

Comments

lolipop
20 Aug 2015

Hi JR my son also uses weed and still lives at home so I know how you feel . It's horrible watching them self destruct isn't it ? I've learned over the last few years that I can't fix him no matter how hard I try . Paying his debts and bailing him out won't work it makes things worse . I stopped giving him money . I gave him rules that he has to stick by if he wants to continue living at home . Things have slowly improved . Is he "fixed " no he isn't and I doubt wether he ever will be . It's his choice not mine . My husband has had two heart attacks in the last few months in part due to stress . I will never give up hope for my son ... He's a lovely person but boy does he have his demons  . He has been of work for 2 months with anxiety and stress but refused to take prescribed medication ! He went back to work 3 weeks ago . I guess it's s start . You have to put yourself first and stop bailing him out easier said than done I know . It's hard work but worth it . I used to repeat the serenity prayer over and over again when things where really bad ( he was arrested for driving while stoned ) he smashed doors threw things screamed abuse at me . Tell trusted friends or family if you can .. I kept it hidden for so long once I started telling people it got easier . Is there a counselling service near you . I screwed up all my courage and went to a group meeting it was the absolute best thing I ever did .
Big hugs 
Lolipop xx

CANT TAKE NO MORE
28 Aug 2015

Having a child who is addicted is a nightmare...and it never ends.....they lie, become really good at it, steal , show no respect and treat others like dirt....I've been there......my son was in recovery for over a year then has 2 months of doing alcohol, weed, miow moiw and anything else....I stopped all contact...I don't need that shit in my life...you may think I'm cruel, but it works for me and he knows I will only be around when he gets back on the recovery train....I don't want to hear how shit his life is...he made the decision to take drugs so if it's shit, it's his own doing...forward fast to yesterday...he rings me, tells me has made an appointment for today to see his drug counsellor and doctor....could I take him? So I pick him up from his counsellor and all I hear is poor me...so I tell him to get out the car and contact me, when he is serious...I'm so sick of his self pity! It's his birthday Sunday and I can't believe he's still messing up...time will tell. I pray he pulls his head out of his pitying arse and mans up...I know he has it in him to do it.....stay strong ladies....xxxxx

Barney77
25 Oct 2015

Hi after reading your comment it has made me realise a few things my son is 22 on coke and God knows what else... He been dabbling in drugs from the age of 16. Iv totally had enough of his lifestyle constantly lie upon lie i think he believes his own lies now.. Stealing and not giving a crap about anyone but him self.. Iv try to help as much as i can . He's lost a good job due to to much absence and falling asleep at work. I through him out when he was 18 as i couldn't cope anymore plus i had 5 year old which i needed to protect from all the abuse and stealing even stealing his toys to sell.. He was currently living with my brother and his girlfriend but they've now split up so he's no where to go other than mates couches.. I'm i a bad parent for not taking him back. I just don't trust him... Any advice appreciated Xxx

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