mmmmmmmmmmlli mmmmmmmmmmlli mmmmmmmmmmlli mmmmmmmmmmlli

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lipgloss demons

Posted by bluexxx on 3 May 2014.

Hello everyone my name is blue, Im not sure where to start, or even how to even begin to to express how I truly feel, words just do not cut that constant ache inside.  This is hard I haven't told anyone I know about what has been happening at home let alone strangers. I have kept silent throughout my ordeal but I can no longer keep all of this inside,  its eating away at the very last piece of hope left in me, I need to speak up and tell you my story,

my younger brother is an alcoholic he has been drinking heavily since the age of 14, we tried to stop him but he only rebelled.  He is now 21 years old and my family chain has been shattered.  I tried to fix him, and his broken parts, I supported and encouraged him, I listened I put my life on the line I was there, a place to stay for the night a human bank and always made sure he was cared for and loved. My parents have done wonders but now after all of his abuse they are too poorly, mind body and soul. so I have stepped in.my parents have asked me to stay quite to not ever speak of his addiction as they are afraid of him, he has physically and mentally abused me, assulted me many of times under the influence and when sober too. He has recently started taking weed and pills, stealing from us, lieing hes changed....sometimes he acts like hes possessed he has no memory of his actions or remorse. He is only aggressive violently towards me, im unsure why. My parents health declinedthe past 3 years and our grandad recently passed away which has been unbearable,  but my brother decided to get intoxicated and then visit him in hospital I had to restrain him and escort him to the car where he hit me repeatedly in the face. My grandad meant the world to me our bond was unbreakable,  I was with him to the last breath, right to the very end, my brother attacked me physically the night I returned home and something inside me snapped. He said he would of rather drink himself to death than see our grandad as he was dead already.. it broke my heart and since that day I have fought back. I got in touch with a unit centre for young drinkers I took him there but he laughed and mocked me, I took him to the doctors for prescribed medication to stop the alchol but he didnt take them. I tried to sit and talk but he said many of times he hates me and wishes I was dead even though he was sober as judge. The title of my story lipgloss demons... lipgloss the beautiful temptation of alcohol package of death!! Demons well I think we can relate to that word. Drink has taken my loving brother away and left me with a complete stranger.. hes full of hate anger and has even planned my death..I am scared but my needs are second best, my parents to which I love with all my heart have suffered enough..they have treated him like a royal king and in return he treats them like slaves. Hits steals lies betrayes, all for the sake of one more bottle I just dont want to find out one day that one drink was the death of him, litres of cider tenants wine spirits his room is a brewery and my family are broken. 

Im crying now sorry thankyou for reading my story x blue xx

Comments

concerned mum
4 May 2014

Hi blue...I choked back the tears when i read this and fully understand what your going through...luckily for me not to the same level of violence although my son has subjected others to that...

I had to be hard with my son I have his older brother living at home and also his toddler brother..He too has stole, lied and bled me dry of money and been abusive when he dont his own way.

Sometimes you have to come to realise that you can only do so much and that if they wont accept help then they are not ready to change their ways, which in turn means you have to stand back.

You have a life also and dont have to be part of his chosen one...I know its difficult when you love someone so dearly but it has to be their choice to change.

I feel for you all and your parents they are clearly being manipulated because they are frightened of him....I think perhaps it may be time for you to sit down with your parents and agree on a plan to end this violence because that is extremely unacceptable...You may need to consider involving the police..please dont let this level of threats and violence to continue...please get some help xxx

bluexxx
5 May 2014

Hi, thank you ever so much for taking the time to read my story and for replying. I really appreciate it.

I found a lot of comfort in your words, and it means the world to know my story related to someone. 
I have felt so alone but i feel a little bit more better knowing im not on my own and all the broken hearts are in it together.were all fighting our own unique war. 

I struggle because i am exhausted from the stress, my health has declined due to the excess pressure, stress and strain, i dont feel depressed i just feel so lost. 
Its so hard barring all the weight and the abuse just tops it all off. 
I dont know which is worst sober or drunk each side of him is just cruel. 

I wanted to call the police many of times but my parents begged me not too, i am normally a direct and straight up person but since all this agro i have become a shell of myself..i dont know who i am anymore. He has all the power control and simply manipulates everyone in to doing what he wants. Its just like our life is the show and hes using us as puppets for his own entertainment. Simply awful. Apprently my mum has an appointment with his doctor who is perscribing a drug called neltrexone she is hoping for a miracle but I said he has to want to change, he has to take them and not drink otherwise there is no point even starting. Its been a long haul journey and he doesn't realise what damage he has done. With no memorey or remorse or feeling for any of us he just doesn't care. And it hurts because I remember everything and I am going through it.. I am like his withdrawal effect where I was once his big sister. I think I need to talk to someone about how I feel because its slowly tearing me apart. Xxx

Tiny
9 May 2014

STOP THE SILENCE
Hi blue your story just sooo saddens me & I'm so sorry what you & your family is going threw because of the demon alocoholism he has inside most of all you need to know use are victim just like mine, I too is living with a alcoholic & it tears me apart to see what affects its doing to our children & I cause of this alcoholism he has inside, I have fought with him for most of our childrens lives now I've just come to acceptance that he will not try so I've jus rang today too reach out for help not for him but for myself I need to find myself again cause of many years of pain, this is going to be the 1st step that I need just to be saved not only for me but for our love ones that also encountered his pain. I know he's not ready to make that change I can only hope that there will be a day but I do understand I can change by reaching out to family groups who are victims just like your family & mine.
So blue talk to your parents again & I hope you can get them to understand that they have nothing to be of shame there are many families that can get help keep surfing the net to help you get ideas, read other peoples stories just like I did, there is no magic pill to help your bro he needs to wont to help himself that is the bottom line the best thing you can start with is helping yourself & don't give up just keep reaching out for help, that is what I am going to do to stop that demon from keeping me silent.

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