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Losing hope..

Posted by Lauren on 28 February 2015.

This is the first time I've tried to seek support..I've no idea where to start/look, but maybe this is good to just tell someone who won't judge me. My Dad is/has been an alcoholic for 20+ years. He's lost everything, his house, his family (except me..), his license, everything. I put him into rehab in May last year, he did well while he was in there..I really thought it was what he needed, to realise that there is a life without alcohol, but no..it took him 5 days to hit the bottle again, he rang me, blind drunk and blamed it on the fact it was a 'weekend.' Still makes no sense to this day. I can't cope with the phonecalls telling me that he wants to kill himself etc, I'm a mother myself, and I couldn't imaging putting my son through what he's putting me through - how can't he see what he's doing/how he's affecting me? I have no-one to talk to about this, everyone just tells me I'm silly for being there for him and they tell me that I should know what he's like by now..I do, I just can't bring myself to let go and let him get on with it. I'm the only person he's got in his life, the only one that gives him that little bit of support. I'm scared that if I walk away, he'll do something stupid, and I'll feel that it was my fault for walking away. I'm at my wits end with all of this now. He's my dad, and I can't bear to watch him ruin himself more than he already has. How do you know when enough's enough and what's the easiest way to let it all go?

Comments

Icarus Trust
2 Mar 2015

Hi Lauren
I'm so sorry to hear what a very hard time you are having. Sadly you are not alone in how you are feeling but there is help for people like yourself. I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust which  supports the friends and families of alcohol and drug users because we know how very hard this can be.
We offer a free service called 'Family Friends' who are trained volunteers and have lots of experience of talking to people who, like yourself, are affected by a loved ones alcohol or drug use. They would understand what you are feeling and maybe it would help you to be talk things through without feeling you are being judged. Talking is good and it may help you to find the way ahead.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
You have been such a good support to your dad and I hope now that you can get some much deserved support for yourself. Good luck!

JC
24 Mar 2015

Hi Lauren,
I too have a father like yours although I have chosen not to have him in my life. In his place I have my husband who is a (struggling) recovering alcoholic.  The only difference between them is that my Dad is 75 & Denies having a problem, my husband at least recognises his problem. I can empathise with your feelings of loyalty and the burden that you might feel of being the only one left in his life.  It's so difficult but with support from others life should get better for both of us now that we are seeking help! I wish you all the best, JC

Lauren
26 Mar 2015

Hi JC, 

Thanks for your response. It's not been easy, but I've cut ties with him so he's no longer in my life. His problem has spiralled so far out of control, and I've now come to terms with the fact that I can't help him anymore than what I have already. If he wanted to get better, he would have done it with all of the support and chances that he's already been given off so many people. I'm finally beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel and it feels like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I still miss him every single day, and I wonder if he's okay all the time - however, he's a grown man and he's perfectly capable of looking after himself. Hopefully, this time, he will realise that he's lost everything and maybe, just maybe it'll make him want to sort himself out! I hope your situation gets better and I hope your husband finds it in himself to continue on the road to recovery! 

Hope things all work out for you.

All the best,
Lauren. xo

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