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Posted by benji123 on 28 May 2015.

Im worried and i dont no what to do . I have neen with my partner for 18 year and 6 months ago i caught him doing herion that was it my life was destroyed i was devostated i felt like my whole world had come crashing down .tHe thing i need advice about is how am i ever goig to trust him again i really don't no if i can and i do love him and i won't us to be like we used to but its so hard its all i ever think about please someone help me with this its driving me crazy .

Comments

sk
28 May 2015

Hi benji123

I am so sorry to hear about your situation i was in the exact position as you a couple of years ago. My ex partner has done two detox's and failed both times and fact is you never gain back the trust and even when you think you start to gain a little trust back they just do it all over again to you. The trouble with addicts is that all they care about is themselves. I have sent myself crazy checking all over the house constantly living on edge if he took to long in bathroom or if he nipped to the shop and was gone too long. I have two young children by this man and we wasn't enough for him to stop he has lost everything through this drug his family, car, job and house. He says all he wants is me and his kids but how can this be. I am now at the stage where i am slowly starting to hate him for what he has done to me  i doubt i will ever trust another man again i feel like i am damaged goods. I gave him 19yrs of my life and two beautiful children. The addict has the choice the broken family doesn't and the heroin always wins. The trust never comes back, you send yourself crazy or you get out. It is easier said then done when you have been with a person that long but no trust then no relationship. I found an excellent quote that said " if you have to play detective in a relationship you know its time to move on" and that's what you do become looking for clues all over. Good luck.
 I am sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear but this is my truth.

Icarus Trust
31 May 2015

I am sorry about what you are going through and  understand how difficult it must be to trust your partner. If you would like to talk with someone who would understand what you are going through please contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports people like you who are affected by the addiction of a friend or family member. We have experienced trained volunteers who you could be put in touch with. This might help you to make sense of how you are feeling.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
Good luck!

little Al
31 May 2015

I hi .. I am sorry to hear of your situation benji..I to live with a heroin addict.
For 9 years...I have been to countless meetings with him..I was once told it takes the average heroin addict 15 years before they manage to get clean..My advice to you is in order to stay strong..is to keep a diary of all your thoughts and feelings and recently I did a life plan of goals for myself and the kids..remember as much as you love him his relationship is now with heroin and if he doesn't already he will be needing it to get out of bed in the mornings. .also I have found when my partner is on the gear he is 'normal"  but when he hasn't got it he's selfish and agitated and can be nasty..so stay safe ! Also for him if his habit does escalate..try to avoid giving him large amounts of money..Some dealers offer more gear for less cash..I. e 6 bags for 50 quid..and from experience the gear doesn't last they just abuse it more.Try to get him to make an appointment with can or c.r.I ..After his first appointemeet it takes a while but eventually he will see a doctor.As he has only been a user for 6 months he may be able to do the suited programme..which is a tablet that once taken he won't be able to use as the heroin won't work..My partner has been an addict for 20 years and is on methadone. .which I don't think works for him.

little Al
31 May 2015

I hi .. I am sorry to hear of your situation benji..I to live with a heroin addict.
For 9 years...I have been to countless meetings with him..I was once told it takes the average heroin addict 15 years before they manage to get clean..My advice to you is in order to stay strong..is to keep a diary of all your thoughts and feelings and recently I did a life plan of goals for myself and the kids..remember as much as you love him his relationship is now with heroin and if he doesn't already he will be needing it to get out of bed in the mornings. .also I have found when my partner is on the gear he is 'normal"  but when he hasn't got it he's selfish and agitated and can be nasty..so stay safe ! Also for him if his habit does escalate..try to avoid giving him large amounts of money..Some dealers offer more gear for less cash..I. e 6 bags for 50 quid..and from experience the gear doesn't last they just abuse it more.Try to get him to make an appointment with can or c.r.I ..After his first appointemeet it takes a while but eventually he will see a doctor.As he has only been a user for 6 months he may be able to do the suited programme..which is a tablet that once taken he won't be able to use as the heroin won't work..My partner has been an addict for 20 years and is on methadone. .which I don't think works for him.

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