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lost and alone because of heroin

Posted by my boys on 13 March 2014.

am i selfish to want to remove myself and my to children from a man that i don't no anymore, a man who for the last five years almost every single day takes drugs, heroin, weed and proberly many more that i don't no about, i tried in the early stages to help i new it was going to be hard, he would try for a couple of days then do whatever he could to get it,  if i refused to give him money i would get verbal abuse, he makes me feel bad like he blames me for his addiction, he lies all the time, if i don't give him money he sells things out our home even things of the kids and runs up debts with dealers telling me i need to give him the money or they might come round the house scaring me into giving him money, he has never hit me or even layed a finger on me but he has started to scare me by taking his anger out on our home, maybe it will be me next i don't no anymore, over the last few months iv grown further away from him i find it hard now to get close to him, i don't see him as the same person, but all he has is me he tells me he needs me if i leave him he will never be able to quit drugs, so now i feel guilty, i finally built up the courage to tell him its over and i want him to leave but he didn't like that one bit so the last week has been a nightmare he says he isn't going anywhere and is constantly bringing me down. im not sure he has anywhere to go or any income but the house is in my name i pay the bills yes granted over a period of time of us living together then not and when he as had money he has contrubuted and brought furniture so he will say why should he lose out, but to be honest he would sell it all anyway iv tried and tried to help  but he is not willing to do anything he said he doesn't need help that he hasn't got a problem he can do it on his own he said he isn't addicted he can take it or leave it, i don't no what to do or where to go for help i don't want to force him out or get the police involved but he is making things really hard im trying to carry on as normal for my kids keep the routine going and go to work but its hard when he just comes in and out when he feels like it sits upstairs doesn't make an effort anymore with our kids, is always on my case if his washing isn't done if there is nothing to eat that he likes if i don't give him money he gets really aggressive so i end up giving it him through fear and cause i don't want my kids to see him shouting, please where can i go for help and support of course i don't want to see him on the streets but i don't no what else to do, should i keep trying to help him ??

Comments

Franticmum
13 Mar 2014

hi love, I think you already know what you should do, take your children and leave, harsh you may think but while he is using he is not the man you once knew and fell in love with, he says he wont be able to quit without you but is he making an effort to be clean with your support, No one can tell you what to do but please please think of your children, they have no say in this matter but im sure they will thank you one day for taking them away from this nightmare, I feel your pain and know what you are going through, its hard but you dont deserve to be treated this way, im not sure if I have been of any help but I know how I felt when someone replied to my plea, take care love and be strong
love Sue xxx

Kelly
14 Mar 2014

Hi, I am sorry you are going through such a nasty time brought about by someone you love who is battlign demons you can't see. As harsh as it may be he is not going to change and your are just putting yourself and your children in jeopardy. My mother was the person you are married to and I wished there was someone who could take me out of it when I was a kid. I saw and handled things no child should have to go through. Your innocent children and your well being have to be your priority. It is a terribly diffcult position you are in and only people who have been there no what it takes to cut the tie. Maybe have him involutarily committed to a rehabilitation centre. This way he has a chance as at the moment he is putting your family in danger. The people he is involved with on the drug side are never nice individuals and it puts your kids at risk. Nobody ever wants their dirty laundry exposed for all to see. If he goes to a centre he has the professional support he needs and can get clean. If he goes downward again after that, you know you did your very best and he chose to throw it away. I am still battling with my mom now as an adult. It will not change so long as he feels there is nothing wrong. He doesn't leave you much choice.

I wish you all my strength and hope,
Kelly

olive
12 Jun 2014

hi,I through out my husband from our home two weeks ago, I have two little boys myself. Reading your post is like reading my life, I found my husband smoking heroine at home with his mate, I lost it, I couldn't take it no more, his on program and methadone, but he still has been using, I feel so lost, I don't know who I am no more, I got some help, it's what you should do, the worst thing is to be on your own, it's easier if someone can explain it to you what's happening and what you already know,but when you live with it you became part of it, if you get help you will stop blame yourself, and that's a step forward, make sure you get support,that was the best thing I could ever do, my husband was faced with two choices family or drugs, he is working to be clean again, but I won't let him come back until i know he can do it, it's so so hard for both of us and kids.
wish you all the best, olive

olive
12 Jun 2014

hi,I through out my husband from our home two weeks ago, I have two little boys myself. Reading your post is like reading my life, I found my husband smoking heroine at home with his mate, I lost it, I couldn't take it no more, his on program and methadone, but he still has been using, I feel so lost, I don't know who I am no more, I got some help, it's what you should do, the worst thing is to be on your own, it's easier if someone can explain it to you what's happening and what you already know,but when you live with it you became part of it, if you get help you will stop blame yourself, and that's a step forward, make sure you get support,that was the best thing I could ever do, my husband was faced with two choices family or drugs, he is working to be clean again, but I won't let him come back until i know he can do it, it's so so hard for both of us and kids.
wish you all the best, olive

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