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lost everyone to drugs

Posted by joles on 14 April 2014.

i lost my marriage of 20 yrs to cocaine and ecstasy, husband chose that stuff over his 3 children and myself. drugs and trying to be a dj was his true love of his life. been divorced now 10 yrs , he is still at it, now hes out of prison , drug dealing is what he done time for, hes back in his kids lives, they think hes god because they are all doing mkat and addicted to it. ive tried to help them but they tell me to drop dead basically, i work 2 jobs,looked after my mum of 85 yrs old with cancer,shes in a residential nursing home now, i work from 8am till 7pm 5 days a week, my partner and i are so unhappy at home as ive got my 2 sons living at home still, they wont contribute to their upkeep at home, spend all on drugs and alcohol, ive exhausted every option to have them removed out of my house, been to police, counsellors etc, and they dont care. my eldest son told me that i need to have petrol poured on me and set on fire. im the one that doesnt do drugs, has an occasional drink and works hard so does my partner, but we live in fear and anxiety. we are so desparate to have a normal life and be happy. it seems no matter where we turn for help,we hit a brick wall. sons ages are 26 and 18, my daughter is 25 and has 2 girls, my ex lives with her and her husband and kids. yes, the are all on mkat and cocaine too. im so worried  bout the kids, i have them when i can, but they cant escape the horrible drug atmosphere even when i have them as ive got it at my house with the 2 sons living here. most days i feel so anxious and depressed, scared stiff and so full of dread. i hate leaving my house but i hate comming back to the house after work. my work colleuges are so supportive and try and help but even they are running out of options to try and help. does anyone understand how i feel? i love my kids and dont want to turn my back on them, i want to help them. i just want my lovely kids back how they used to be.  i just want them to be safe and happy in life. thank you for letting me unload my problems, it has helped me to feel a bit better.

Comments

concerned mum
14 Apr 2014

Hi my heart goes out to you ...I only have one of my children taking drugs i could nt imagine how much pressure i wpold feel if the others were the same...Firstly and most important though is yourself you need to take care of yourself because u seriously need to get some advice regarding your grandchildren before they end up taking the same path or at the very least stay strong so they have got someone stable to turn to...Unfortunately i had to evict my son as I have a toddler at home...they shared a bedroom and I was terrified my eldest was either going to drop something that the toddler would pick up or worse...I will not under any circumstances allow any of my other children or other members of the household being put at risk.  Im not for one minute suggesting u evict them but you seriously need to set some ground rules for what you expect after all its your home...u pay the bills

CANT TAKE NO MORE
15 Apr 2014

What a hellish time your having....I just cant imagine the pressure you and your partner are going through....Im afraid I would wait till they were both out, get the door locks changed and then when they kicked off phone the police...you cant live like that..scared in your own home, having them treat you the way they do...In a moment of clarity, when all is calm perhaps tell them how they make you feel, but from your post I fear this wouldn't make much difference...whilst they are under your roof, not taking any responsibility you will continue to enable them.....you dont have to be part of that life....my son was as abusive as how you describe....I told him if he wanted to live with us then he had to abide by our rules..last saturday we asked him to leave because he was on one of his mad missions...mcatted up and reeking of alcohol...I wonder if you perhaps dad could talk to them????? Hunni, you dont have to put up with it and shouldnt.....feel so very sad for you....sending hugs  and all the support you need..here if you need...xxxxx

joles
16 Apr 2014

thank you for the support that everyone has given, i dont feel like im on my own with this problem anymore. my heart goes out to you all, the suffering that these kids on drugs/alcohol can impose is devastating. i cant ever remember being  abusive and disrespectful to my parents when i was in my teens, even though i went partying with my friends. we just had a few drinks and loved dancing. real happy good times, never caused any trouble at all. my kids dad is a waste of space, he is a selfish horrid person and dangles the carrot in front of the donkey , in other words, he uses cocaine mkat and hes around the kids, who think hes god. its like the kids blame me for normal and clean, and they hate me for it. ive been to my local councillor for help, the police, live fear free wales counselling service, they have tried their best to help, i know its up to me to kick them out, i am terrified of them, they are big lads and they would seriously hurt me and my partner.  its like they are picking up where their father left off, my father past away 25 yrs ago, if he was still here he would of sorted them out big time, i reckon that they should bring national service back, it would solve all this abusive behaviour. these kids would have no choice to be anything else but respectful, not only to their family but to themselves. it breaks my heart to see mothers who have lost sons to war, brave young soldiers who had the guts to  defend their country, then lost their lives for doing so. then weve got these lazy druggies alkies, doing nothing with their lives but abusing themselves and all around them. my eldest son had a fantastic well paid job that he travelled around the country, conservating stain glass windows of listed buildings, churches cathedralls etc, he lost his fiancee 2 bed house and job because of drugs and booze, my youngest lad of 18 yrs cant even be bothered to sign on never mind get a job!! i work with special needs children with aspergers adhd autism and cerebal palsy, they are so rewarding and grateful that i look after them, they adore me as much as i adore them. they bring such joy into my life. sad isnt it that my own dont anymore. their parents are so grateful and appreciate everything that i do for their children. why cant i do for my own? its killing me knowing that children with behavioural disabilities rely and appreciate what i do to help them, they know i love them very much, i have to be patient, consistant and thick skinned sometimes, but i know its their disability that makes them who they are and not drugs/alcohol. maybe thats why i tollerate so much with my own kids because  i am a person who shows kindness empathy etc and lives in hope that they can change back to my lovely kids i once had, my mum hasnt got long left to live, shes never drunk alcohol or smoked in her life and has got cancer, why is life so unfair, and these kids today just abuse everything and everyone in their path. wish they would start appreciating life. thank you to everyone for your support, im so grateful, im here for you all too. love and respect to you all, hugs of comfort and love to you all xxxxxx

CANT TAKE NO MORE
16 Apr 2014

If you are seriously thinking about evicting them from your property and are scared cant the police oversee them leaving...God its madness...we give birth to them and they treat us like shit......big hugs sweet heart xx

sad and tired
16 Apr 2014

Good for you concerned mum, the little ones come first in all of this shit. They don't make these choices. It's not easy but get police help to get these addicted bullies out of your home and life. None of us deserve. This.  Good luck honey xx

joles
18 Apr 2014

thank you so much for the much needed support from you all, i feel that little bit stronger, after all, these addicted bullies grind you to the ground. hope i can be of some help and support for you all too.  my heart goes out to all who suffer this unbearable abuse they dish out. hugs of love and comfort to you all xxxxx

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