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married to some one with a drink problem

Posted by moredownthanup on 2 March 2015.

I have been married for 5 years, my other half drinks every day, and has had health problems which alcohol worsens.
We went away for a night at the weekend, the night out (areunion) was lovely, but my husband was totally mullered and couldnt walk straight when it was time to leave.  On the journey home the next day he drank all day day and when we arrived back in our home town turned into Mr Hyde, he insisted on going to the pub where he proceeded to reduce me to tears and tell me that my two sons of 20 and 24 are so useless that he never wants to go home (he is their stepdad).  He accused me of being soft unsupportive of him and said he couldnt decide whether he should leave me or not.
When we finally arrived at our home he caused a huge scene with my youngest and threatened to kick him out when he answered back, (his crime was to not do the washing up his older brother was supposed to have done).
I have told my husband i want him to stop drinking, as our marriage finances and my mental health are suffering, he has refused point blank to stop drinking but has offered to stop interfering between my sons and i.
He is never physically abusive ever, but very verbally abusive and very hurtful to me and my sons. 
He is now acting like everything is ok while i am tearful mentally exhausted resentful and feeling like my old foe depression is starting to take over my life again.  Why is it that everytime he is drunk and abusive it is mine or my boys fault.  The love and respect i once felt for him are just about worn away by all of it.
If i could click my fingers right now and never have to see or hear from him again i would do it.
Sometimes you have to vent.

Comments

Icarus Trust
2 Mar 2015

How very sad for you! I know it's hard but try to remember that it is not your fault and that he has to take responsibility for his drinking habit.
It sounds like you could really use some support for yourself. I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust which is a charity that supports the friends and families of drug and alcohol users. If you contact us we could put you in touch with one of our 'Family Friends', a trained volunteer who would understand how you are feeling and maybe would help you to find a way ahead. It's really good to be able to talk to someone who understands so I hope you may give it a try. It is a free service.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
I really hope that you can get some support for yourself. Good luck!

Feefaa
5 Mar 2015

That sounds very similar to my boyfriend, although he crossed the line a few months ago and got physically abusive. He was quite upset with himself and I said he should think about going to the doctor and get some anti depressants. He did and he is much much nicer for it. Although he only drank before at the weekend it was a BIG drink like a bottle of vodka, or whiskey or rum in a night. Now he doesn't drink nearly as much as that. And I'd say instead of being down right evil I've seen him be quite nice despite the amount he's drunk. So maybe you could try suggesting something like that? It's that or you bite the bullet and leave, that's a tough call tho. Good luck

CANT TAKE NO MORE
10 Mar 2015

I've had the verbal abuse from my son, and it cuts like a knife..the last time he was verbally abusive I asked him to leave and had to call the police to remove him...it was the best thing I did....none of us deserve it, and I took a stand and sent a message to him, I would not tolerate it...harsh I know, even heart breaking, but It just couldn't go on..he had a choice to get sober or leave me out of his sad life.....he made the choice, to get help...it's been 9 hard months and it's one step at a time...and I'm not going to sugar coat it.....it's bloomin hard....but I stand side by side with him on his road to recovery.....because he needs all the support he can get just to get through the day....

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