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Moving Forward

Posted by Want My Husband Back on 23 September 2014.

I feel helpless and very stupid. My husband has had a drug problem using cannabis for 15 years now.  I've let him convince me to compromise on when and where he can smoke and now I see that I have been an enabler to his smoking.  He promises he can stop but he has proven time after time that he can't.

I don't want him to be a drug addict and I want to believe that he can stop.  But all his actions tells me he can't and he smokes all the time.  He wakes up and smokes, he smokes in the bathroom while he takes a bath, he smokes before he gets in the car, hes smokes during tv shows when he steps into the garage

How do I help him, how do I help my kids.  What do I say to him when he blames me for drinking when we go out, or having a drink at home.  What do I say when he says he won't do it again and he sees how disappointed and hurt I am for lying. What do I say when he says he does not have a problem and he can stop any time. What do I say when he says he doesn't want to stop. Every talk about this escalates into an argument and he becomes violent.  Do I walk away or Do I hang on to help him?  How do I and my kids move forward?

Comments

Icarus_Trust
24 Sep 2014

Wow, that is horrific... You sound so trapped, you need to breathe.  Contact The Icarus Trust, they support families who are affected by addiction, and they can help you, signpost you to what you exactly need.  To contact them, simply to www.icarustrust.org or email them on info@icarustrust.org.

I hope this is helpful and gives you the support you need.

Icarus_Trust
24 Sep 2014

Wow, that is horrific... You sound so trapped, you need to breathe.  Contact The Icarus Trust, they support families who are affected by addiction, and they can help you, signpost you to what you exactly need.  To contact them, simply to www.icarustrust.org or email them on info@icarustrust.org.

I hope this is helpful and gives you the support you need.

Icarus_Trust
24 Sep 2014

Wow, that is horrific... You sound so trapped, you need to breathe.  Contact The Icarus Trust, they support families who are affected by addiction, and they can help you, signpost you to what you exactly need.  To contact them, simply to www.icarustrust.org or email them on info@icarustrust.org.

I hope this is helpful and gives you the support you need.

Laus232801
9 Oct 2014

Hello there, 
I am in pretty much the same horrid situation as you, only difference being my husband knows he is addicted and tells me he enjoys it and cannot quit completely! He has cut it down a lot but I want this to stop! I want it out of my home I will not have my(our) children aware of this as they grow older! I am trying to bring them up the best way I can and they are good children, but how long will that last if they ever found out! I feel like such a bad mum because I have aloud his addiction to continue in my home! I love him so much he is my absolute world and we get on do well, but I have got to protect my children and put them 1st. He is a great daddy but he could be soo much greater! However my biggest fear is if I was a to tell him to leave, what would happen to him then? Would I be adding to his troubles as to why he uses cannabis! Could it top him over the edge? My biggest fear is that he needs the weed more than me and would rather be without me! I keep sweeping it under the carpet hoping the problem will go away, and it does while I'm closing my mind off to it, but the reality is I cannot continue like this! I already know how stupid I am but I fell in love with this man 11 years ago and I was too naive to think how this would affect us in the future! So it's not that easy to just say leave my children would be heartbroken, but if he can't or refuses to stop what choice do I have???

Poppy36
27 Oct 2014

I know how you both feel. I have been with a man for many years now and he has just left me for cannabis and speed. I couldn't take anymore and I didn't want my children to be affected but the pain of being abandoned is hard. I feel like I wasn't good enough and that he has chosen a lifestyle of drugs over his family- he even said as much. He knows it's selfish but he can't help it. Since leaving, he has been doing a lot of drugs and I'm sad because at least when he was home with us it was controlled. I don't want to lose him, he is a good person and loving but he is devoted to drugs not to us. I just pray that one day he will realise for himself that he needs to be free.

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