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My 18 year old smokes weed and has no direction

Posted by StephEd on 30 August 2017.

My son is just 18, he is smoking weed every day, i know it isn't hard drugs but I am worried that it may progress if it hasn't already to harder substances.  
He left school at 16, did not know what he wanted to do and together we found him an engineering apprenticeship; after 1 year he had a car accident and was off work for 4 months.  He totally refused to go back after the break and eventually together we found him a job in a supermarket which he stuck at for 4 months and then walked out.
I have pleaded with him to find something that he really wants to do and focus on it.  He is very good at saying what i want to hear but then spending the rest of the day with his mates smoking weed.
I am not sure where he is getting the money from do live this lifestyle.  
I threatened to kick him out if he had not found a job by the end of this month and we are 2 days away and I have not seen any sign of him job hunting.  I am scared that if I carry out my threat he will sink further and further into the drug scene and if I don't I will loose credibility! 
Help, I don't know what to do to be right.... do I carry out my threat or do I climb down?  And how can I reach him?
Thanks for reading this and if you can offer any help, I am all ears?

Comments

Runner
30 Aug 2017

Hi StephEd, I posted for the first time yesterday as my son is a cocaine addict, so my heart goes out to you, and I do have some idea of how you are feeling. I haven't got any answers for you as I am relatively new to all of this, and my son does not use weed, however, I have one or two thought on your post, based on my own experiences with Tom, (my son)
I haven't ever gone down the 'stop doing this or I will kick you out' route .. yet, because I know in my heart that I could never actually follow though with it. This is partly due to the fact that Tom has very fragile mental health which predates the addiction, and he has made at least 5 suicide attempts, I could never live with myself if he killed himself. So my advise to you would be to decide how safe he would be if you did follow through. Then, if you think he would be okay and would be resourceful enough to cope for a while, do it! He will soon realise that he needs clean clothes and something to eat, which if he was 'sofa surfing' would be difficult to achieve. It may not be a bad thing for him to realise just how much you do for him, and to have to stand on his own two feet. It is a scary prospect for you though, I totally get that.
With regards to using different drugs when not living under your roof, I'm not sure what the research shows, but maybe you should look to see what the chances are of him progressing onto different drugs. What I do know is that cocaine is very expensive, my son has thousands of pounds worth of debt, and when you are in the mindset of wanting/needing coke, you access it first, pay later, and then the debts start to pile up. So, maybe your son would have the sense not to do this? 
I have tried everything within my powers to help my son to be drug free, so far nothing has worked, however, I managed to drag him along to my running club last night, and he actually enjoyed it!! I am now very hopeful that with a different focus and the benefits of a natural high due to exercise, he may just start on the road to recovery, who knows.
Good luck with what ever you chose to do, it is so very hard to know whether what you are doing is the right thing to do or not, I hope that you have family members and friends who can support you too, it is a very lonely place at times. 

J

Runner
30 Aug 2017

Hi StephEd, I posted for the first time yesterday as my son is a cocaine addict, so my heart goes out to you, and I do have some idea of how you are feeling. I haven't got any answers for you as I am relatively new to all of this, and my son does not use weed, however, I have one or two thought on your post, based on my own experiences with Tom, (my son)
I haven't ever gone down the 'stop doing this or I will kick you out' route .. yet, because I know in my heart that I could never actually follow though with it. This is partly due to the fact that Tom has very fragile mental health which predates the addiction, and he has made at least 5 suicide attempts, I could never live with myself if he killed himself. So my advise to you would be to decide how safe he would be if you did follow through. Then, if you think he would be okay and would be resourceful enough to cope for a while, do it! He will soon realise that he needs clean clothes and something to eat, which if he was 'sofa surfing' would be difficult to achieve. It may not be a bad thing for him to realise just how much you do for him, and to have to stand on his own two feet. It is a scary prospect for you though, I totally get that.
With regards to using different drugs when not living under your roof, I'm not sure what the research shows, but maybe you should look to see what the chances are of him progressing onto different drugs. What I do know is that cocaine is very expensive, my son has thousands of pounds worth of debt, and when you are in the mindset of wanting/needing coke, you access it first, pay later, and then the debts start to pile up. So, maybe your son would have the sense not to do this? 
I have tried everything within my powers to help my son to be drug free, so far nothing has worked, however, I managed to drag him along to my running club last night, and he actually enjoyed it!! I am now very hopeful that with a different focus and the benefits of a natural high due to exercise, he may just start on the road to recovery, who knows.
Good luck with what ever you chose to do, it is so very hard to know whether what you are doing is the right thing to do or not, I hope that you have family members and friends who can support you too, it is a very lonely place at times. 

J

Icarus Trust
18 Sep 2017

Hi. Thank you for posting your stories.
 I know that the situation you are in Is really difficult and it is often hard to know where to turn to for help. I work for The Icarus Trust which is a charity that provides support for people who are having to deal with the addictive behaviour of a loved one. If you think it would help to talk, please contact us. We have trained volunteers who are very experienced and would understand what you are going through.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
Good luck. I hope you can get some help.

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