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My Alcoholic mum- my best friend

Posted by Mum2604 on 19 July 2011.

Thought I would share my experience with others, it might help. I've learned there is always hope and to never give up on the person who is suffering from addiction.

For as long as I can remember my mum always drank. I was 7 when my parents separated , the arguments before that were constant and as far as I can remember they were mostly about money- my mum spent every penny my dad earned on alcohol and when that money ran out she sold family belongings to buy more alcohol, vodka mainly. I learned later on in life that the arguments were also about her drinking. It caused her to be unpredictable, irritable and a general nightmare to live with. She played mind games with everyone and one day my father just had enough, he couldn't cope anymore, and he couldn't help her. My brother and I chose to live with my mum and not my dad, influenced by my mum who promised great things if we stayed with her, of course as children endless sweets and days out are very appealing! Anyway, we stayed with my mum and it was hell on earth, she was drunk all the time, she played my brother and I against each other and my dad. She was violent sometimes and overly loving at other times. I lived in some places that I don't care to remember, I met some people I don't care to remember and I saw things I wished I hadn't. My brother left to live with my dad when he was 11 and I stayed with my mum. Things got worse, there was only 1 person to take things out then. I stayed with her until I was 11 and moved in with my dad as well. I had come to realise what she was doing by that point and after a close family member died I felt I had no other escape and had to get out.
After leaving my mum our relationship was strained and weird for quite a while. She continued drinking, and lying to get her own way, to make the family worry and come running to her. I did not have much contact with her, I was scared of her and wanted a normal life. However, I came to a conclusion one day. I realised that I only had one mum, and that she wasn't going to be here forever so I had to build the bridge with her. I was 15 then, I wrote her a letter explaining everything I felt  about the things that had gone before, I had to say my bit. After that we spoke more regularly and our relationship was starting to be a bit more normal. She was getting ill at this point, she basically pickled her body and it was shutting down. By the time I was 18 I spoke to her at least weekly. I left home for university and began to speak to her more regularly until I was speaking to her every day. She was getting more ill by the day so I checked up on her, sent her shopping if she needed it, I was generally there for her. Sometimes I would be on the phone to her for hours a day.
We spoke about anything and everything, we had some very frank talks about her illness. She had stopped drinking by this point because she was too ill and wanted help to stop and get better. 
She became my best friend, my shoulder to cry on, she believed in me, was always there for me and never doubted me for a second, and she was always so proud of me, If I had of robbed a bank she would have been proud! What I'm getting at is, she took the long road, but she got there, she was dry for almost 4 years by the time she died. She died in 2008 of illnesses all related to her alcoholism and I miss her everyday. But, what I'm saying is although she died, there is always hope for alcoholics, after years of drinking she managed to stop and we managed to repair our relationship to the best it has ever been. I have got nothing but fond loving memories of my mum, and she is my inspiration. I am so proud of her, she turned her life around, on her own. I know it is difficult to help someone who is addicted,whether it be to alcohol or drugs, and until they want help there may be nothing you can, but always always offer your love and support. I am thankful everyday I never gave up on her because as a mother and daughter we had a hugely strong bond, and for me personally, I learnt and gained so much from the experience, I love her dearly and I am proud of what she achieved. Never give up hope, and talk to people going through the same thing, it really helps to share experiences.
For my mum xxxxx


13 May 2012

u have just given me, some much needed fight back.thank you.

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