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My brother

Posted by LAUMAR134 on 29 August 2015.

My brother is 28 and I'm 17. We both live in our parents home (he has never moved out) and I'm due to go to university next summer. 
My mother struggled with a domestic abuse at the hands of my brothers father when he was a young child. He credits this as his 'reason' for having such an illness. However, we have an older brother who suffered through the same experiences yet has created a great life for himself with a wife and children. 
Since I was 6 years old everyone in my family has very heavily drank. It has led to me having my own issues with alcohol which I have been able to overcome. 
My brother doesn't work and claims benefits, all of which are spent on alcohol and occasionally drugs. There is no chance that he would ever leave the family home as all his money is spent this way. This leads to the fear that he will continue to torment my parents as long as they are alive. 
I am really looking forward to building a new life for myself in uni but I I'll be constantly struggling to focus and I'll be worrying about my family. 
I really believe he has underlying issues with mental health that haven't been addressed. Perhaps ADHD - I'm not a doctor so I cannot say. He is self absorbed, lacking any remorse. He broke my fathers rib yesterday and is saying he is 'so mean as he wont let me watch my film down stairs.' He is like a child. 
He has ruined his life by binging and there is no disciplining him. He smokes inside the house when sober he hates doing so, he leaves vomit in his bedroom for days on end, and doesn't wash for days. 
He verbally abuses my mum, wishing she'd 'drop dead' apparently. He has been arrested countless times due to violence towards all 3 of us. I honestly don't know  what to do.. He refuses to get help or try move on with his life. 
My mum is endlessly supportive of him but I know deep down she despises him. He is really ruining our family. 
He missed our uncles wedding, ruined his dad's funeral (we have different dads!' and isn't allowed to go to ou grandads funeral next week as he cannot be trusted and is drinking too heavily. I want to scream at his doctors and send him to rehab but they won't do anything unless he wants to change (fully understandable.) I can't cope!!!!!

Comments

LAUMAR134
29 Aug 2015

Thanks for reading

CANT TAKE NO MORE
3 Sep 2015

Hi Hunni....unfortunately your doctor is right....only your brother can save himself....rememver one thing...we are all responsible for ourselves and what we do..go to uni, enjoy your education, and make a life for yourself...As a mother of a son who is addicted to alcohol n drugs, it is up to them to want to change... It's hard for his younger sister, but our priority is her....we don't enable, just support when he wants recovery x

Asibling
10 Jun 2016

Thank you for sharing your story.

It seems there are few services and research done considering the experience of family members, in particular siblings. That is why I am conducting a research project looking at the narratives of siblings, encouraging others like you to share their experiences. If you wish to participate and share your story or would like more information please contact me at u1422721@uel.ac.uk. Thank you.

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