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my life as a heroin addict

Posted by kate on 5 November 2010.

hi, my name is Kate, I am 42 years old, I have been using herion for the last 15 years, I have tried everything from hospital detox's to home detox's to withdrawing off my own back with no support or medication and each time I have failed. My life is a mess, I have no family (both my parents are dead) on't have anything to do with my brother as he can not handle me when I am using neither can he handle me when I am trying to stay clean, my sister distance her self from me as her husband does not like her being around me, the only person who has ever stood by methroughall this is my boyfriend, if you can call him that, when the going gets tough he resorts to going back to his ex and sleeping with her, this his his way of dealing with it!! nice hey? I have asked my doctor for rehab. but to be able to do this I have to get of the government sponsered methadone programme which I have been on now for 6 years...I have managed to get down to 30mls now..but I am struggling on this amount. All my true friends have slowly drifted away from me over the years, not that I have Ever donw anything bad to them, not even so much as lend money off them to help fed my habit...I just think that while there lifes flurish, I just keep going down this self destructive road and the longer I go down it the harder it is to get back up, and they have just lost patience with me....they alll have babies and children now and I have had 3 miscarriages now....perhaps this is for the best I mean what kind of life would I be bringing them into, but to say it does not hurt everyday to think of the lose, and to know that at 42 I will never have kids now, never have that unconditional love that I crave for so much..if my story can just make one person stop and think..."Is this how u wont to end up...totally alone and unloved....on the outskirts of society, unaccepted even by the people who you wouold think care....All I wont is to be loved and cared about, isn't that what everyone funamentaly wants in life....I pray everyday to be free from this fucking hell hole of life...I see no end to it all ecept suffing day after day....I don't wont your pitty, I just hope that my story...,if it helps just one person to say fuck that I don't want that miserable existance....then at least I have achieved something in my pathetic life..x

Comments

Sam A
1 Jan 2011

Why don't addicts see its not the material things you do or do not take from those around you like money, but the emotional and psychological impact of your addiction on others that is so difficult to cope with?  you and only you are responsible for your situation, you and only you makes the choice to take drugs, until you fully accept this you will be hoping for someone or something to get you out the crap and as such will always stay in the situation you are in as long as you think this way.  Stand up and take resposnisibilty for your choices and make changes yourself.  Nothing is as bad as the effects your drug use has on you and those who i am sure still care for you.  Have you ever stopped to think what little care you are showing others by continuing to use instead of focussing on the lack of care you think others are showin you?  i wish you luck in taking responsibility and therefore making the most of the support available to you.

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