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My mum is an alcoholic and has cirrhosis

Posted by daughter on 6 May 2015.

I'm 37 year old female who lives alone. My mum is an alcoholic and has cirrhosis of the liver. I moved over 300 miles away but missed her and kept in touch and visited her for her birthday and she came to visit me. The thing is, my aunty drinks too and my mum likes to make out she's a victim in everything. I've recently had some stress in my life and my mum kept on texting and calling everyday saying she wanted to come on holiday here, I couldn't handle it so I told her but she can be so selfish and she just ignored me saying that she was coming down and that she'd cut down on her drinking (same old story) I was conscious that I didn't want to get into argument with her through texting, and I didn't text back much, she pressed and pressed and eventually I told her if she didn't listen to me and stop being selfish that I would block all her texts, she then sent me some abusive messages saying that people had said that I was nothing like her and that I was like my dads family cold. This really uspets me as my dad dies 4 years ago and I've had no support from her, just the same old 'poor me'. She then text me saying have I ever told you you are weird and strange? she'd obviously had a drink by this point and I just said that I'd rather be weird than an abuser (her). I also replied to her emotional guilt provoking message of ''sorry for loving you you're my only daughter'' to if only you knew what that word meant.  I text my aunty to ask if I could call her (as I wanted to wish her happy birthday for the following day) and all I received from my aunty was a text saying that she was upset with me again and asking why I treat my mum the way I do, and to stop sending my mum nasty messages! my mum twists things around and always plays the victim and I'm sick of it, I've had it all my life, and her family even my cousins all judge me thinking I'm a horrible person because of all the stuff my mum makes out to them. I have once again changed my phone number as I was so upset again and in shock that my mum doesn't care about anyone but herself, doesn't care that she puts me down so long as she gets some sympathy. I'm just upset now as I always think to myself what if? what if something happens to her and I hadn't spoke to her for months etc but how can I allow this to continue when she more or less lies to people about what has happened and missed out what she's done in the first place so that they think less of me and feel sorry for her?!

Comments

Icarus Trust
12 May 2015

I can see how hard the relationship with your mum is for you because of her drinking addiction. I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust that offers support to people like you who have been affected by the addiction of a friend or family member. If you get in touch with us we could offer you the support of one of our 'Family Friends'. These are trained volunteers who have had lots of experience of talking to people in situations such as yours. It might help you to talk it through and maybe find a way ahead. 
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
This is a free service so I hope you might give it a try. Good luck!

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