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My nightmare

Posted by SuzieQ on 15 July 2014.

I never thought that i would have to go through this, my boyfriend is doing cocaine and has been probably most of the way through our relationship. He lied to me about it for ages and even when i asked questions to do with it he would always deny it. Now i feel like i'm stuck somewhere that i cant get out of. I can't sleep, i can't eat, i'm stressed and i've been signed off work by the doctor for three weeks. He doesn't think he has a problem, but he does. He doesn't come home until 4 oclock in the morning some nights, sometimes even 6. i stay awake until he comes in because im worried that hes done something dangerous. He drives while hes on it, he used to drive me around while he was on it without me knowing anything. I feel like i could have stopped it if id have noticed that he was doing it in the first place and now i feel like i cant help him at all. Hes in debt, he cant pay his half of the rent or the bills. We argue everyday, it upsets me that he couldnt tell me in the first place about his problem and i have no idea how to help him or how now to help myself. I dont want to leave him because i love him and i want to help but it feels like i need to. i feel like im going crazy, in my own little world where no one understands it. i just need help.

Comments

Milan Heavy
16 Jul 2014

Hi Suzie, I am not a doctor or anything just some guy living in Italy with a step son who has been doing the same as your boyfriend for 12 years. You have a simple question to ask of yourself and your boyfriend, that is which is most important me, you or your coke? Spoken quietly in the cold light of dawn at the kitchen table with unblinking eyes. If he has the resolve or the basic human ability to recognize pure love he will understand you. Think of this there is a road with a crossroads one points to the left, you decide, love me and leave the crap behind, one points to the right embrace your dependency and leave me and all that you care for behind! I say this because i am facing the same situation with my step son who tonight is sleeping in his car having robbed me and my neighbors on Sunday night before running out to get a heroin fix and imagining he could have got home before we noticed, but as i went to check that he had not taken his Lorenzepam before bed I found that he had gone. Suzie we need to be firm. good luck and keeep me informed about how you get on. Chris from Italy

SuzieQ
18 Jul 2014

The thing is, i know if i ask him that, he wont choose me because coke is a lot more precious to him, coke doesnt nag him and he feels better when hes with coke. Its getting too much for me because i love him but he loves coke more than he does me, or it seems that way anyway.

SuzieQ
18 Jul 2014

The thing is, i know if i ask him that, he wont choose me because coke is a lot more precious to him, coke doesnt nag him and he feels better when hes with coke. Its getting too much for me because i love him but he loves coke more than he does me, or it seems that way anyway.

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