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my son

Posted by mother of an addict on 17 December 2014.

I would like to begin by saying I LOVE MY SON however there are times when He has hurt me so much I don't want to live. He is not my only child, he is not my only child to try drugs. I have reached a point where I know that to put him out of the family home is what I should do to protect my daughter who is only 17yrs old. I know he would not survive and I can't do it!!! I am a health care professional a drug councillor and I am lost. My son has been smoking skunk on a daily basis for at least four years his behaviour is confrontational and aggressive. He now has his own child and it fills me with terror to think that he will not be around to see his son grow. I have even considered organising to have him taken into a secure environment against his will in order to get the drugs out of his system naturally this would not be legal and the quote was costly. Are there any mothers in a similar position who can shine a light in my tunnel, in fact I think I need an electrician

Comments

CANT TAKE NO MORE
18 Dec 2014

Hey mother of an addict....all your fears were my fears,all the negative bull that comes with an addict were in my life too,and it took me a while to get my head round the fact that I was adding to his problems....I was constantly saving him,enabling him...giving him a room, after he lost the flat WE helped him get, we furnished, we substadised his bills....saving him, by giving him money, we never got back, making excuses and burying our heads....he too has a small child, and it was then I realised his life was far from normal...I got support, read everything I could and realised his addiction was eating away at our family, I worked with his ex, and we decided he could only see his child when not under the influence of anything...then I kicked his ass out,and told him until he was ready to get help I was done...not easy, in fact as a mother I felt I was letting him down..I stopped giving money and told extended family the same....so he had no one to lie to, he then did 6 weeks in prison and I had no contact,other than letters..they all said the same...make the choice.! I'm a real believer that it has to come from them, life changing decisions...and it's not easy, ....so he got himself a counsellor, then a job, and rang me....he is back in our lives..has relapsed afew times, cause addiction isn't a fairy tale..recovery is hard work, and it takes real willpower..when he thinks he may fail, he rings, we talk, he speaks to the professions. His support network is his doctor, counsellor, psych councellor, his boss at work, and ofcourse his family...he will always be in recovery,but as time goes on he is making better decisions....I am learning to trust him again,it's hard, but I love my son and want him to have a great life ...it's not. Uch to ask,but for an ex addict it's enormous just to get through the day....you must get yourself support,and realise as parents we can't make those changes for them, they have to want it! Letting go is hard, but in our case I wish I had stopped enabling sooner! Hugs xxx

Icarus Trust
18 Dec 2014

Hi,
This must be so hard for you to deal with but there is support for you out there.
A charity called Icarus Trust supports families and friends of addicts. We have trained people, called Family Friends, who would be able to talk with you and understand where you are coming from. This is a free service. They would also be able to signpost you to other support that is available for you if you want it. 
 You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
I really hope that this might give you the support to help you help your son.

lolipop
18 Dec 2014

Hi .. Your post could have been my own 12 months ago ! I understand exactly how you feel . My son smokes the dreaded skunk all the while and still lives at home he too was aggresive and confrontational he was arrested and charged with driving while unfit and banned for 18 months . I finally took steps to take back my life I phoned a drug addiction help centre got a councellour and attended family support meetings . I too have a daughter who is now 18 I arranged for her to see a young persons councillor through our local drug support charity it helped her tremendously . My son still lives at home I am just not ready to ask him to leave but I working on it ! He no longer screams shouts throws things or demands money he doesn't use in our home I have told him over the last few years I love him with all my heart I wish he would seek help if he does look like he's going to kick off I have told him I will ring the police and have him removed from ou r home . He his respectful to all of us I hope someday he will take steps to change but I doubt it ! I don't have any answers sorry but know that I understand how you sending you a hug xx

sad and tired
22 Jan 2015

I ended up throwing my son out, something I thought I would never do, I stopped enabling him, it is slowly working, he went down before I saw him come up. Sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind, be strong...all I can say is I am starting to see results.  Don't beat yourself up, my job is similar to yours, drugs can touch anyones life....x

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