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My son of 22

Posted by Mumoffour on 3 January 2015.

Hi, please excuse myself I am new to this site. My son is now 22, he has always been a difficult child, did not like rules etc, he would be the class clown and always getting called into school for disrupting the class. I found out he was smoking cannabis a few years ago and we put ground rules down but when he was 16 he left our home and lived with his girlfriend for over 3 years. He has since split up from his girlfriend and he finally opened up to myself and his step-dad about heroin. I was absolutely mortified, he has always stolen things from our home etc but we noticed a lot of expensive items going but as you don't have proof it is so damn hard to prove, he is such a very believable person, I will admit I have gone throughout all this with blinkers on trying to put in my head a fairytale that in reality will probably not happen. He can be such a wonderfully funny, loving person to be around when he wants to be but he has this addiction. He has not long come home from re-hab we got him a puppy as he adores dogs but I have found marijauna in his room. He is saying he is struggling again I am so so scared he is going to die, this weekend he has spent in his room just lying there and saying he's just fed up I have no idea how to help him I am trying so hard but whatever I do it doesn't seem to work, I am so so sorry to go on I understand you are all in the same situation at some point I just really don't know what to do anymore, I am on medication as I am so down and feel such a failure for not protecting him and being there for him and sleepers as I have horrific nightmares that I hope for gods sake will not come true. He has been beat up over money owing for drugs and still owes a heavy amount but we cannot help anymore as we have bailiff letters coming now as all our money has paid dealers off etc so they don't kill him, few months ago we had 2 men with faces covered knock and threaten the whole family we are now in the process of moving as I have other children and I am scared witless, I told them he didn't live here which was a lie but they said they didn't care that will hurt him more by hurting one of us, my husband has had enough and we are fighting every single day but I have tried so so so damn hard to ask him to leave but I love him and am more scared of harm coming to him, this I know is not fair to my husband and other children but the fear of losing him is destroying me my heartache would be worse if he wasn't here as I wouldn't know what or where he was and doing what I am so so so sorry for rambling on I didn't mean to go on so much if it's not allowed please delete. Thank you for your time if you have read it sending every single parent, addict, brother, sister, mum, dad, aunt, uncle and any other family member and friends going through this also I send healing to all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Comments

lolipop
4 Jan 2015

Hi I feel for you I really do . It's a horrible thing to have to go through . My son smokes a lot of skunk and sometimes gets very aggressive and depressed . He still lives at home which can be difficult at times . He has been arrested a couple of times and banned from driving for 18 months . I have stopped bailing him out ... I don't give him any money at all . He's upto his eyes in debt I have no idea how much he owes ! I have stopped giving him moneyand I have stopped obsessing over him it destroys me and steals all my happiness . there are no easy answers . Once I realised it wasn't my fault and I couldn't make him stop i started to think about what I could change . Its soul destroying to watch our loved ones do this to themselves . Addiction is a horrible disease .
Sending you a virtual hug 
Love Lolipop xx

Icarus Trust
5 Jan 2015

Hi,
I really feel for you living with the horrible situation you have described. I think you might find it a good thing to talk to someone who has experience in what you are going through. 
The Icarus Trust is a charity which supports families who are being affected by the addiction of a loved one. We offer the free service of 'Family Friends'. These are all experienced trained volunteers and, if you contact us you would be able to talk with one of them. Hopefully this would help and support you with the choices you are having to make.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
Talking through problems often helps so I hope you will find this useful. Good luck.

sad and tired
22 Jan 2015

Hi I have been through this with my son, after years of bailing him out, I tried tough love it hurt me to do it but it has helped, stop bailing him out, stop paying his debts, stop giving him money.  Feed him if you need to but don't give cash.  Hard as it is let him see what the results of his actions are.  Its hard but I have seen good results, my son is not over it yet but is getting there I think.  Above all let him know that although the cash has stopped you love him and will be there for him when he wants to sort his life out. It is so hard but stay strong and protect the rest of your family......good luck xx

sad and tired
22 Jan 2015

Hi I have been through this with my son, after years of bailing him out, I tried tough love it hurt me to do it but it has helped, stop bailing him out, stop paying his debts, stop giving him money.  Feed him if you need to but don't give cash.  Hard as it is let him see what the results of his actions are.  Its hard but I have seen good results, my son is not over it yet but is getting there I think.  Above all let him know that although the cash has stopped you love him and will be there for him when he wants to sort his life out. It is so hard but stay strong and protect the rest of your family......good luck xx

Icarus Trust
23 Mar 2015

Hi Don't forget that to be strong for your son you may need some support for yourself. Please contact The Icarus Trust if you think we could be of any help to you.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org

Icarus Trust
23 Mar 2015

Hi Don't forget that to be strong for your son you may need some support for yourself. Please contact The Icarus Trust if you think we could be of any help to you.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org

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