We care, for the better.
A place for families, because you don't have to use drugs to be affected by them.
- How do I know if they're using drugs?
- Why do they use drugs/alcohol?
- Is it my fault?
- How can I cope with their behaviour?
- Understanding the stages of addiction and recovery
- Where do I get the help I need?
- Getting support for your loved one
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My story- partner is addicted to heroin
Posted by Kf on 21 May 2014.
First time posting on here so this is going to be a long post. My partner and I have been together 8 years. He has been using drugs for 12 years. I was 16 and he was 23 when we started seeing each other. I fell madly in love with him, he was funny, good looking, smart, successful job, intelligent everything I wanted in a boyfriend. I walked around for days with a huge smile bursting with happiness I had found my perfect guy.. Or so I thought! My happiness was short lived when he revealed after a few days of seeing each other that he was on a methadone script. I was only 16 so young and naive to it all. He explained he smoked heroin on and off as well as taking methadone. I was brought up totally against drugs so my parents were nt best pleased when they found out. My mum tried countless times to split us up by stopping me seeing him but as a teen I rebelled and would secretly go out to meet him. We would write love letters to each other. In his letters he would tell me how he desperately wanted to free himself from his heroin addiction and deep down I believed I could change him (silly I know) anyway my parents moved abroad and they made one last attempt to get me away from him. I refused to go I wanted to be with him. Anyway we got a flat together he was still dabbling on and off but the good times outweighed the bad times. We eventually bought our own house and things seemed to be going really well for us. A month after moving into our new home I discovered I was pregnant, we were both absolutely delighted. The month before our son was born my partner was made redundant he got a large sum of money which he used some of that for debts. He then went on a total drug binge the weeks leading upto our sons arrival. It seemed like he couldn't care less drugs were more important to him. Our son was 3 weeks early which I put down to the amount of stress, worry and upset my partner caused in the weeks leading up to his birth. The day I went into labor he left me in agony to go and score, I still to this day struggle to forgive him for that! Anyway our son was born that night with my partner by my side and we were both over the moon with our precious little boy. That night as he was driving home from the hospital he was arrested for possession of drugs he got off with a small fine. When I got back home with our wee boy I woke up one morning to our door being smashed down, I was terrified didn't know what was going on. It was the police raiding our house, they found nothing as at this point my partner was clean. After then I started getting flashbacks and had terrible anxiety problems. My partner was clean for a good 8 months I really thought this was a turning point but eventually he got another job and started using on and off again. I suffered with really bad depression tried to commit suicide a few times and went completely off the rails drinking constantly from when I woke up until I crashed out to forget my problems. At this point my partner was clean and made main carer by social work, eventually I got better with time. Our relationship improved and trust was gained again. Last year I accompanied my partner to his monthly visit to the doctors which I hardly ever do, it was then I found out he had been injecting, I was absolutely devasted it was soul destroying to hear those words. He reassured me it was a one off, I couldn't understand it he hates needles. That and the 5 police visits I had in a week was the last straw. Our son was found unharmed by the police at a main road when I was at the hairdressers whilst his dad was intoxicated with Valium in the house. I moved out my mortgaged property to rent a flat for safety for my little boy, he still seen his dad providing he wasn't using no unsupervised access though. I moved back to my house at the beginning of the year as my partner was doing well again and things were great. He lost his job last year so has been unemployed since then. Last week he was offered a job which he just started at the weekend. I suspected he was using again and my fears were confirmed last week when I found out he had injected once again. I found him blue and looking lifeless, scared, upset and angry I started panicking shouting at him I really thought he was dead but he stumbled to the bathroom and threw up. The next day we talked he said he was never going to use needles again as he was still feeling ill. He has a problem with Valium also takes 10-20 a day when he's on a drug binge. All my trust is gone! I'm so hurt it's unreal and despite all this I still love him... What is wrong with me I have put up with so much shit gave him thousands of chances yet I still can't give up on him! There is nothing worse than watching someone you love will all your heart going down a road of self destruction with heroin or any drug for that matter... I hate it!! Heroin has destroyed the only love of my life. I don't expect anyone to read this essay of my life story I just need to write it down, get it off my chest as I have no one to turn to who won't judge.
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