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My story of pain.

Posted by Kaleidoscope on 8 May 2015.

I don't know exactly when my beautiful 23 year old daughter started to use drugs. Maybe in high school? That is when I started noticing a change in her behaviour....She dated an older man who got her pregnant in Grade 12. I got her to have an abortion. All my family were devastated! I got divorced when my two kids were still in primary school. Was this the reason? I have so many questions and no answers! All I want is for Kim to be whole and happy! I feel so hopeless and don't know what to do, expect or say. I feel ashamed, hurt, betrayed. What did I do wrong and how do I fix it? Can I fix it? How do I pick up the pieces of my broken family, my life, my daughter's life? What about her brothers, my other children? How do they feel? The rest of our family, how do they feel? I feel weak and wish that life could come to an end.

Comments

optimist
11 May 2015

You really do need to talk to someone, you are torturing yourself.  Can you get the whole family together so that someone can mediate and you can all have your say about how you are individually feeling.  When you know the worst, you can confront it head on and put it to bed. you can probably find the support in your area on this site.  I take it Kim is still on drugs? It may be useful for her to talk so that she can focus on the next step after coming off drugs. 
Radio 5 did a program recently where a young man, a rehabilitated  drug user had started mentoring people who wanted to get clean.  It is all something that can be discussed.  I hope she is open to  support and help. Otherwise, Making Space was an organisation I used to help me deal with my sons addictions. Whether Kim  is willing or not,you need advice and support on how to look after yourself and  your dependents before anymore emotional damage is done to you. My son was never willing, the situation damaged us all because I felt I could help him and it was all my or my husbands fault.  You can't keep thinking like that.
You are not a bad person, Kim will only come out of this when she is ready.  Meanwhile please, please look after yourself and your other children. x

Icarus Trust
12 May 2015

I agree that it is important that you get some help for yourself in order for you to deal with the emotions around your daughter and to support the rest of your family. The Icarus Trust is a charity that offers support to people that are affected by the addiction of a loved one. We have trained volunteers who you could talk with. Please contact us and we will put you in touch with one of our 'Family Friends.'
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
I really hope that you will be able to get some help for yourself so that you can stay strong. 
Wishing you all the best.

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