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Nearly ready to give up...

Posted by Near the end on 22 August 2016.

Hi, please please please can someone help me.. I'm desparate and I've no where else to turn to.. I've been with my partner for 2 and a half years and his drink and drug use is now completely out of control. I don't know how much more I can take. It started off with him going missing at weekends when we first met and I thought he was just a bit of a jack the lad, the more I fell in love with him the harder it has become to walk away. His drug use is frequent and regular and he sometimes will go missing for up to five days, switching his phone off and not turning into work or contacting anyone. His finances are out of control as he is struggling to keep up with paying £500 a weekend on drugs and drink.. When he comes home, he can be extremely aggressive to the point that we have had the police around for domestic violence. The lies he tells to cover up his drug use is getting so bad I can't believe anything he tells me. He tells everyone that it's me who has the problem to deter the attention away from himself. Every special occasion anniversary, Valentine's, all family members birthdays, my birthdays, his own birthdays and Christmas's that have come and gone since we have been together have been ruined by drug use as all our plans are never important enough to come first, he will always disappear for days on end with no contact. I've had drug dealers come round the house, people kicking my door in early hours, people threatening to come to my work and hurt me and I've stood by my boyfriend all the way to hell and protect him but yet he will still put me at danger and risk of these people. I've tried organising things to keep him occupied like joining the gym, booking events away from the area and holidays but it's all money I can't afford because he never shows up or we don't go because he goes missing. His family have had this for 8 years and it's destroyed their lives.. He is a lovely person inside but when drink and drugs take control, he is irrational, unreasonable, violent and deluded of why is reality and what isn't. I can't cope with the emotional, physical strain anymore. I spend every waking moment scared and having to think ahead to avoid him going off on a binge but i can't cope anymore. I've tried counselling, hypnotherapy and police help but he doesn't seem to change and it still happens, one time he did it every day for about 7 months and he got sacked from his work. He has a new job but has had two warnings for not turning in or calling anyone and going off in work time without informing anyone. He turns into work under the influence and it's become a massive problem in both our lives.. I have thought of ending things myself because no end of help seems to get me anywhere and I really need to know where I can go to get help, not just for him but for myself too before I have a nervous breakdown with it all.. Someone please help me or please provide some guidance on where I can get help and support from.

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Near the end
22 Aug 2016

Just so people can direct me in the right place.. I live in Scunthorpe.. Any help or guide de would be much appreciated please. Thank you

Adfam Administrator
1 Sep 2016

Hi there
Thanks for posting, we are very sorry to hear about you issues, it sounds like you've got a huge amount of things to deal with.

Some groups near Scunthorpe that may be of help:
Empathy (07592 395127)
Addaction (020 7251 5860)

Also, Families Anonymous run a national helpline which you may find useful, and specialise in supporting families affected by substance use - 0845 1200 660.

Lastly, if you ever feel like you just need to talk to someone and share what you are going through you can call the Samaritans at any time on 08457 90 90 90.

Wishing you all the best
Adfam

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