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New this would happen eventually

Posted by Lucy on 1 May 2014.

So my partner is not living here and ive felt like the hurt etc over the years has took its toll on my love patience etc and i still love n care for him n i still get the mixture of emotions i was really upset first couple of days and i rarely get truly upset these days just a sadness deep inside and that feeling that we r getting closer to ending our relationship for good bcoz obviously one person can n will only take so much before they r so fed up of being fed up and the realisation that this person may never b clean and now tonyt i feel pretty devastated that i feel very little desire to return his txs and idont really want him bk at the home and yea that in itself is sad bcoz i so desperately wanted and loved him once..i just cant listen to those lies or see him relapse again i will b here for him and will always love him but heroin has truly robbed him of everybody now..

Comments

CANT TAKE NO MORE
2 May 2014

Hey Lucy, I know that pain, and it hurts like hell......take one day at a time, and concentrate on you and the kids.....sending hugs x

Lucy
2 May 2014

Thanks for your support it feels like i can vent a little people on here can for once relate.He is being a little manipulative at the moment. I will try and think of this as one day at a tym xx

concerned mum
2 May 2014

Hi Lucy....Im going through a very similar situation with my son...our relationship has been strained for a long while ..thanks also to alcohol and drugs and lies and deceit and abuse....I too have come to the end of my tether and am also going through that grieving process but also have other children who need me to be strong...I cant allow him to consume their time...I know how ur feeling though xx

Lucy
2 May 2014

I no the relationship of a spouse is different to that of a mom and the pain of seeing your son in addiction must b your worst nytmare having been through it as a partner i hope your son can find peace one day..i wish there was a group like this to actually go to and get support from bcoz having dealt with it alone for years it does feel good knowing there r people even on here that can relate to addiction xx

concerned mum
2 May 2014

Love is love ....dont matter who it is when its true it becomes unconditional...but sometimes you just have to start thinking of yourself and other members of your family...I too wish there was a support group I have nothing in my local town and I too have battled this alone,,,This site is a god send and strange how you become close to people you dont know...its a relief to not feel alone...although at the same time you would nt wish this on anyone..Hope ur coping ok...stay strong i know how difficult it is xx

Lucy
2 May 2014

He has just gone on with the "ok ill never contact you again if thats how u feel" but im just goin to try and call him at his bluff and not get into a conversation about it coz it will drag me in and im at the stage where i no that if he is going to stay clean and if it will ever work emotional blackmail isnt a part of love. Its good to just talk to somebody about this part of our life i think bcoz for me nyway i never talk about it and most people hu no me dont have a clue life feels really lonely at times despite having friends and my kids and work...x

concerned mum
2 May 2014

I know exactly what you mean...I had exactly the same text from my son the other day...he isnt quite nineteen yet but i have had this for three years,,All the time feeling like he only calls or texts if he wants something..I have brought him stuff and he has pawned it.  The other day he moved into another flat and asked for my help to kit it out (even though only forty eight hours before he was calling me for everything) ..I refused to help..Not because im a bad mother...cause im not sleeping currently off work with depression...because i simply cant take anymore...Im worn out with it all..My son is an expert at emotional blackmail and for ages i let him do it but not anymore...Im entitled to a quality of life also...the same as you are...these are not our choices xx

concerned mum
2 May 2014

Just to give you an insight into my family ...I have an elder son still living at home on his fourth year of an apprenticeship owns his own car does nt cause an ounce of bother...and a toddler from my second marriage...We all work hard (Apart from the toddler lol) All of us work full time and have tried everything to pull my other son back...None of us take drugs or are dysfunctional were just a normal hardworking family whose lives are all affected by one persons drug and alcohol abuse xx

Lucy
2 May 2014

Its like a rejection when they turn on you and say things like ok i wont contact u again or like myn has just said that he is done with ME fucking HIS head up..(sorry about the language)and when he turns it on me its like a part of me feels the strength I felt that I had made this decision has been taken from me and its that feeling of rejection that in the past effects me hurts me and pulls me back i suppose that thought that i will b alone..but most of me feels strong still and able to tell myself that this is exactly the type of behaviour i dont want in my life anymore. X

Lucy
2 May 2014

My partner has smoked heroin for about 15years on and off and i have been with him (he was clean and i was niave to addiction) for six years. He has done rehab;scripts;clean time; n.a; jail; he has tried it all and ive been thru it all..he is currently on a script of methadone but i recently found out he used on top..its just another kick in the teeth and reminder that this may never end and so im  currrently trying to maintain some sort of seperation..xx

concerned mum
3 May 2014

Its very difficult I know...they have a wonderful way of making us feel guilty...its never their fault...always someone elses..Stay strong ..Leave him to it...it may be the wake up call he needs xx

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