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No end in sight

Posted by alib on 15 November 2016.

I am looking for anyone in a similar situation to me. My son has been a drug addict on and off for 10 years. I am at my whits end as to know where to turn to for help. He has been homeless, in prison and in general is a hateful person but because he is my son I always try to see ways of what I thought was helping him. The last 2 years have been hell on earth coping with his behaviour. The way he speaks to me is totally disgusting and if this was happening to a friend of mine I would tell them to stop. I have spent thousands on him trying to get him sorted with places to live and possessions around him & everytime he messes it up. Can anyone give me a bit of advice as what to do? 2 months ago he passed his LGV and now has a good job but instead of putting gas and electric on his meter and food in his cupboards he chooses to buy drugs, then on  a Monday he is at my door crying saying he is sorry and he will sort out his life I always end up giving in and letting him in to my house and letting him have food and a shower. HELP please

Comments

Icarus Trust
15 Nov 2016

Hi,

I'm so sorry that you have been going through all of  this with your son and for such a long time. It must be so hard for you. 
I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust which supports the families and friends of addicts, people like yourself. If you get in touch with us we could put you in touch with one of our trained experienced volunteers. Talking with one of them might help you to sort out what you want to do next.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
I hope that you can get some help. All the best.

alib
15 Nov 2016

Thankyou very much I will

alif
18 Nov 2016

Hi ali b, your story hd me in ters straight away. It could be me writing it. 
It is so draining and upsetting isnt it . I find overwhelming feelings of helplessness even though I have done everything in my power to try and help. I see the reply frim The Icarus Trust. I hope they can be of some help for you and wil contact them myself. Do keep in touch if you want to share...it can be so isolating too. Onre thing though, do not be hard on yourself. You are human and a mother. We just need to learn how to support ourselves in it all. Take care.

Denise
25 Nov 2016

Hi,  my son has been an alcoholic and drug user for all his adult life, I realise I have been enabling him throughout as his mum I'm the only person in the family who can help him although I know now he can only help himself.  he is 40, has been in prison several times for related offences.  He has lost 3 homes and 2 relationships and now will be on the streets as I can't bail him out any longer.  It helps reading about others and I do relate to alib as I see no end in site except my sons passing before me 
(I'm over 70). It helps me to get this down as I have no one else and feel now after all this time that I must let him go. I have spent thousands bailing him out in the past, can't do it any longer although it is going to be so hard knowing he has no one else. I will contact the Icarus Trust as feel so alone.

Icarus Trust
28 Nov 2016

Hi All of You,

I'm so pleased that you are going to contact The Icarus Trust. I really hope that it helps you.
All the very best to you.

alib
29 Nov 2016

Hi all
Thankyou for your responses it is good to know that I am not the only one in this awful situation. It is so hard being a parent of a drug abuser. I always want to see the good in everyone especially when it is your own child even though mine is 26!
yesterday I learned he has lost his job AGAIN. I am now just waiting for him to turn up at my house with a sob story of how it wasn't his fault, or worse a call to say something bad has happened to him.
What do you both do in these circumstances? would you turn him away because ultimately nothing I do helps or do I try again to help him.
I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

valerie
19 Dec 2016

this is just like my life my son is 26 and recently swopped from using coke to heroin as he keeps losing jobs and has gone for an affordable drug which he can get free if he runs for them , he is selfish, lies and now stealing new territory for our family, i am going to grieve for the son i had then tomorrow i am going try and get strong again for the sake of myself and my family.

Maggie
29 Jan 2017

I feel so much for you as I'm in a similar situation.  I thought my son who has just had his 30th birthday had finally turned his life around and was shocked and saddened to discover yest that he has been in court for forging a cheque, which luckily was stopped and not for much money, to get money for drugs. I just can't understand why he does it.  He had a good upbringing and nobody else in the family has done anything like this.  I've had about 14 years of it now.  I've helped him so much over the years and each time I think he is on the mend it all goes pear shaped again.  He's been homeless, had jobs and relationships but lost them all.  He just never seems to learn.  He's due in court again soon and I fear he will end up in prison.  Drugs have ruined his life and made my life a misery, turning a sweet boy into a criminal! I feel so ashamed.  I even moved after 33 years in my house to another place so neighbours don't know and I don't feel such a failure.  It's so hard turning your back on your son so I try to see him once a week or so but can't believe a word he tells me now.

alif
30 Jan 2017

Hi Maggie,

Yes it can make your life a misery and be draining too. My son has returned to prison. I do not know why but probably stealing in order to buy drugs. The thing is we must remember that they are not well. They have an addiction and in my sons case mental health issues bought on by abuse. I have to work hard to breath and separate his behaviour from myself and the boy that was brought up in a loving home environment. I just keep hoping that there will be more support for families as well as the addicts themselves sometime in the future and would like to join or start a group to help ourselves realise that we are not alone or to blame. Take care. Ali

alif
30 Jan 2017

Hi Maggie,

Yes it can make your life a misery and be draining too. My son has returned to prison. I do not know why but probably stealing in order to buy drugs. The thing is we must remember that they are not well. They have an addiction and in my sons case mental health issues bought on by abuse. I have to work hard to breath and separate his behaviour from myself and the boy that was brought up in a loving home environment. I just keep hoping that there will be more support for families as well as the addicts themselves sometime in the future and would like to join or start a group to help ourselves realise that we are not alone or to blame. Take care. Ali

Maggie
30 Jan 2017

I'm so sorry to hear your son has gone back to prison Ali.  My son is due in court tomorrow!  It's all so alien to me, it's so hard accepting our sweet boys brought up in loving homes have gone down this route.  I wouldn't wish this situation on anyone but it does help to know I'm not alone.  Take care and best wishes to you.

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