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No time to cry

Posted by nene on 21 November 2013.

I was a binge drinker, left my husband when my boys were 7 and 18 months, my daughter was 4.  (She is now a scientist)  As usual, I blame myself...my oldest started using when he was 12, I had bought a condo on the beach thinking the ocean and surfing all day would make up for a single mom with a successful job.  The more money I made the worse he got.  The stories I have about him would curl your hair...I drank to forget the 911 calls or maybe not hear them.  My youngest boy was hit by a surf board and suffered sudden onset epilespsy...I would have to take him everywhere in the middle of the night cause I couldn't leave him alone, to hunt for his older brother.  I lost cars, my home all my money was slowly being stolen...the worse he got the worse I did.  Now he is shooting ice and the younger is hooked on something, I believe heroin or suboxene.

When do I stop worrying and blaming my self.  My family doesn't talk to me because they blame me.  Nothing is stopping the worrying...I don't even drink.  If you want more stories of the past 15 years let me know.  I have never done an illegal drug in my life, so my ignorance added to their downfall...there was no time to cry because I couldn't support everyone with swollen eyes...

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