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not again don't know how much more I can take

Posted by hedgehog on 19 October 2012.

I suspose he's always has a drink problem we were young when we meet and partying hard and out down the pub alot, we got married having gone through the death of my dad and then his own. Time went on and eventually we had our 1st child we'd been married 5 yrs and now 26 I was ready to settle down I ended up getting admitted into hospital on new years eve for observation and told they could induce the baby at anytime so he went down the pub and rang the ward at 3am to wish me a happy new year. Not a happy bunny the baby eventually arrived 3 weeks later and he went out straight away to wet the babies head. life went on him drinking all the time arguing lots, 2nd baby arrived after a few more years we lost the house as although he was working outgoing and income wasn't good, I was working nights and he was constantly taking the girls to the pub as soon as I left. We decided to move house fresh start. We were now in a little village and after a couple of months he finally went to the GP with depression she prescibed antidepressants and after lots of visits he eventually admitted he had a problem 6 months later he finally got a home detox, things were great he suddenly discovered we had kids and things were great- slowly he slipped back into drinking and very quickly he became dependant I stuck with him as believed it was because he didn't have the coucelling to deal with stopping- so with the councelling now in place he admitted yet again he had a problem and had another detox - this time he was at councelling but soon stopped and he was great for 5 months- from not being able to risk him looking after the kids he was great with them- It was just before christmas and we came back to find him drunk and then slowly it was everyday I went away with my girls for a week and came back to find that he had done a complete somersault down the stairs head 1st and was in a bad way he all too quickly recovered  and live went on I kept saying to myself I can't go on like this he was now drinking in our garage on his own everynight about 10-15 cans of strongbow in the space of 2-4 hrs. My life was dreadful I was so stressed and shouting at my poor girls as couldn't cope I was hiding what little money I had and racing home from work.. Then one sunday evening I was mowing the lawn, he was in the garage drinking as normal swearing at me and calling me names and I just carried on the next thing he appears own the hedge and tells me he's shot himself in the wrist with an air gun. I don't panic and just told him to get in the car and we;ll go up the hospital he refused to get in the car and now has the air gun trying to load it so he can shoot himself in the head as he'd had enough. I ended up phoning the police as couldn't cope with that - after a few minutes of trying he threw the gun to oneside (the kids were now out the house) and went to sleep in the middle of the floor. The police arrived and as he wasn't co-operating they arrested him- that was the last I knew until the next day when I collected him with 3 charges one for breech of the peace. one for asualting a police officer and another for damaging the police car. Great. He still had the pellet in his wrist so I took him to the hospital after a lot of questions it was decided to keep him in detox him and remove the pellet, he was kept in for a week and was told he would be sectioned if he tried to leave. He seemed to realise he had a problem and felt great coming out- we went to court two weeks later and sat through pages and pages of his behaviour that he was not aware of at all. He promised he'd never drink.. 4 months later a week in france fishing and from no I didn't drink it turns out after a very drunken night at home and big arguments he was drinking everyday. 
Yet another drunken night- yet another night of arguing he got an appointment with mental health next week - but the biggest problem is he doesn't think he has a problem- just found an empty box of 10 strongbow in the garage which wasn't there earlier

I know I can't go back to where we were although he's not physically abusive the mental abuse is tough and not knowing what your coming back to....
I don't even know why I've written it all out and what answers I want
Mainly I suppose why can't I leave him? when I look at him drunk which was all the time it certainly isn't love.

Comments

Blondie
28 Jul 2013

I feel so sorry for you,  I am Blondie, and my story is on line as well.  I have just endured another evening/night with my husband sitting and drinking 12 pints of lager.  I can feel my love dying slowly bit by bit every time he drinks to excess.  I used to like a drink or 2,  only socially a couple of times a week, but maybe have a glass of wine about once a month now.    He had a mother who died of  alcoholism at 68 and yet he still drinks and will not admit he has a problem.  Do I leave,? to shock him.  He is on meds for anxiety, stress and panic attacks and cannot see drinking makes the feelings worse and probably stops the meds working properly, he also refuses to tell the GP he is drinking, I am in despair.

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