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Out Of My Depth

Posted by Queen Bee on 30 December 2016.

My son is 19, i have recently got divorced and moved out of the family home. He has changed. He used to e lively, talkative and funny. After starting college 2 years ago , he stated smoking, then smoking canabis. I had my hip replaced and he stole all my pain killers....
  Now he is thin, pale, withdrawn . He never eats with us as a family. He is quiet
He is illusive, comes in very late and stays up all night, then sleeps most of the day.I don't go know where he goes.
He crashed his car and didn't even know he had !
He is hard to rouse when asleep. The room stinks of alcohol. He drinks alone. He can be aggressive and slur his speech. 
Yesterday I found a business card torn in half and half  made into a small tube, along with a sharp knife . It was hidden under a cushion in my lounge.
Suddenly I feel out of my depth and scared.

Comments

Charlotte12
2 Jan 2017

Hi queen bee.  Your story is so sad.  I agree you are out of your depth however your son is still so young which means intervention now could well be successful.  I really urge you to seek help.  Have you tried speaking to your own GP for advice as a starting point? I have recently had to make the heartbreaking decision to ask my 40yr old partner, father to our 3 children to leave as he is in the very grips of alcohol addiction.  I only wish I'd seen it coming and intervened years ago.  There really is so much help out there, certainly more than I realised.  However the absolute very worst part of addiction is that help can only be sought when that person is ready.  God that took me so long to finally realise! You cannot force your son to seek help but you can access support for yourself to help you help him and to help you cope. Unfortunately I can't get through to my partner and so I have to keep myself healthy and strong for my children and put them first which meant I needed to remove him from the family home.  The best advice I can give is educate yourself and seek support, initially for yourself.  I really hope your son is well again soon and this becomes very much a part of your past.  Good luck queen bee xxx

Charlotte12
2 Jan 2017

Hi queen bee.  Your story is so sad.  I agree you are out of your depth however your son is still so young which means intervention now could well be successful.  I really urge you to seek help.  Have you tried speaking to your own GP for advice as a starting point? I have recently had to make the heartbreaking decision to ask my 40yr old partner, father to our 3 children to leave as he is in the very grips of alcohol addiction.  I only wish I'd seen it coming and intervened years ago.  There really is so much help out there, certainly more than I realised.  However the absolute very worst part of addiction is that help can only be sought when that person is ready.  God that took me so long to finally realise! You cannot force your son to seek help but you can access support for yourself to help you help him and to help you cope. Unfortunately I can't get through to my partner and so I have to keep myself healthy and strong for my children and put them first which meant I needed to remove him from the family home.  The best advice I can give is educate yourself and seek support, initially for yourself.  I really hope your son is well again soon and this becomes very much a part of your past.  Good luck queen bee xxx

Icarus Trust
16 Jan 2017

Hi Queen Bee,
Thank you for posting your story. I know it must be so hard for you feeling scared and out of your depth . Charlotte is right that your son will need to want help himself and that there is help available for you. 
I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust that supports people like you who are dealing with the affects of a friend or family members' addiction. If you contact us you could be put in touch with one of our 'Family Friends'. These are experienced trained volunteers. Talking with one of them might help you to make sense of what is happening and to see what support is available to you and to help you feel less out of your depth.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
All the best.

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