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pinkpink

Posted by pinkpink on 21 October 2014.

I have had two years of shock/ disbelief my eldest son now twenty five is taking cocaine .never thought it would happen to me. this is the hardest thing I have ever thought could happen to me and my family.my son is in denile and will go to great length to say he is not on drugs.i thought a mother love and I could sort him out how wrong and exhausted trying I was I feel the emotional impact drugs have on a family is so great I fell to pieces and keep trying so hard to pull my self back for my family I don't function inside I go to local drug group and know I have to be strong I had a bad marriage with his father but came throught it I blame my self evey day he says it is father fault but I was strong and we had a good life after he left he was eleven when he left , at sixteen I have now found out my son was taking amphetamines and whacky bacci I did notice and was worried about ben as his behaviour change didnt wash ,rude to me .constant demands his own way moods we all thought it was his age money problems id talk to him but what I said never got through 
from been little I think I found it hard to say no to ben if he wanted something hed scream and shout until he got things he was hard to bring up espiecally when he was about seven. I remember at eleven when his father left him been very worried about us losing our house I was strong and told him we wouldn't and worked so hard  and we didn't I cant believe how hard I tried for him to have a good life and now this and I miss it .how could I miss him taking drugs there has been a group of boys in area his friends who have got caught up in drugs and have paid the price 2 have had devastating effects on family but are now coming through it. I go to local drug group when I can but find it hard with work and three other children everyday I struggle but love my children and have to keep going .I have put bouderies in now that I only want to see him when he except hes got a problem and go to life line.. he has had a baby boy and cant even give it up for him .his girl friend has been talen in with lies one minute tells her he loves her and then next other girlfriends cheat s she helps him with money .I ve asked her and begged her to see hes on drugs she know he was but is also in denile . he went to live with my best friend on the condition he went to lifeline .3 days after he went to her house she said he didn't have to go , hed got out of it .she has had drug dealers at the door and been in a car with me paying his dealers  off trying to sell his  tools for money. but he makes me look foolish after saying to her he hasn't got problem now and she believes him and not me im stupid. I have had to not see my friend and put my bounderies up with her as this made me so ill and really has knocked my confidence in myself I don't know what im talking about im stupid the mental impact to me is devastating he turns up saying I was bad mother drunk .ive put a stop to that now and have heard for two weeks when is it going to end and when will I be able to manage it better it devastating

Comments

CANT TAKE NO MORE
22 Oct 2014

Hi pink pink, firstly, you are not a bad mother....addicts will blame everyone but themselves, lie, cheat, steal to get by and they are bloody good at it...you are doing the right thing....It took me a while to realise, every time I helped him, I was enabling him to continue with his addiction...so I told him to leave me alone, and not contact me till he was serious about getting help..now don't get me wrong, it was hard, I felt a failure because mothers instinct is to help your kids...but I'm so glad I did...he hasn't contacted you because he knows he won't get anything....addicts are selfish..not their fault, but the child you thought you knew is replaced by what I can only describe as a stranger....please please please continue to go to the  support group in your area....and talk about it, cause it does help Hunni....my son has been at Rock bottom and tried and failed afew times...then after coming out of a six week prison sentence he knew it was now or never..,he sorted out drug counselling, got a job, and relapsed twice, BUT, got straight BA k on it....now I'm not naive to think he's cured, far from it, but he fights daily to stay clean, and his job really helps....he's doing well, is third in charge, and only been there a couple of months..he luvs it, and says it gives him focus.. Don't give up on your son completely, because hopefully he too will want help...and when he does be there to support him..it might take longer than you want, but I pray the time will come....until then look after YOU and the family.....here most days checking in, so if you need to talk....will say a prayer for your son and all the others affected by addiction.....hugs Hunni xx

CANT TAKE NO MORE
22 Oct 2014

Hi pink pink, firstly, you are not a bad mother....addicts will blame everyone but themselves, lie, cheat, steal to get by and they are bloody good at it...you are doing the right thing....It took me a while to realise, every time I helped him, I was enabling him to continue with his addiction...so I told him to leave me alone, and not contact me till he was serious about getting help..now don't get me wrong, it was hard, I felt a failure because mothers instinct is to help your kids...but I'm so glad I did...he hasn't contacted you because he knows he won't get anything....addicts are selfish..not their fault, but the child you thought you knew is replaced by what I can only describe as a stranger....please please please continue to go to the  support group in your area....and talk about it, cause it does help Hunni....my son has been at Rock bottom and tried and failed afew times...then after coming out of a six week prison sentence he knew it was now or never..,he sorted out drug counselling, got a job, and relapsed twice, BUT, got straight BA k on it....now I'm not naive to think he's cured, far from it, but he fights daily to stay clean, and his job really helps....he's doing well, is third in charge, and only been there a couple of months..he luvs it, and says it gives him focus.. Don't give up on your son completely, because hopefully he too will want help...and when he does be there to support him..it might take longer than you want, but I pray the time will come....until then look after YOU and the family.....here most days checking in, so if you need to talk....will say a prayer for your son and all the others affected by addiction.....hugs Hunni xx

CANT TAKE NO MORE
22 Oct 2014

Hi pink pink, firstly, you are not a bad mother....addicts will blame everyone but themselves, lie, cheat, steal to get by and they are bloody good at it...you are doing the right thing....It took me a while to realise, every time I helped him, I was enabling him to continue with his addiction...so I told him to leave me alone, and not contact me till he was serious about getting help..now don't get me wrong, it was hard, I felt a failure because mothers instinct is to help your kids...but I'm so glad I did...he hasn't contacted you because he knows he won't get anything....addicts are selfish..not their fault, but the child you thought you knew is replaced by what I can only describe as a stranger....please please please continue to go to the  support group in your area....and talk about it, cause it does help Hunni....my son has been at Rock bottom and tried and failed afew times...then after coming out of a six week prison sentence he knew it was now or never..,he sorted out drug counselling, got a job, and relapsed twice, BUT, got straight BA k on it....now I'm not naive to think he's cured, far from it, but he fights daily to stay clean, and his job really helps....he's doing well, is third in charge, and only been there a couple of months..he luvs it, and says it gives him focus.. Don't give up on your son completely, because hopefully he too will want help...and when he does be there to support him..it might take longer than you want, but I pray the time will come....until then look after YOU and the family.....here most days checking in, so if you need to talk....will say a prayer for your son and all the others affected by addiction.....hugs Hunni xx

CANT TAKE NO MORE
22 Oct 2014

Hi pink pink, firstly, you are not a bad mother....addicts will blame everyone but themselves, lie, cheat, steal to get by and they are bloody good at it...you are doing the right thing....It took me a while to realise, every time I helped him, I was enabling him to continue with his addiction...so I told him to leave me alone, and not contact me till he was serious about getting help..now don't get me wrong, it was hard, I felt a failure because mothers instinct is to help your kids...but I'm so glad I did...he hasn't contacted you because he knows he won't get anything....addicts are selfish..not their fault, but the child you thought you knew is replaced by what I can only describe as a stranger....please please please continue to go to the  support group in your area....and talk about it, cause it does help Hunni....my son has been at Rock bottom and tried and failed afew times...then after coming out of a six week prison sentence he knew it was now or never..,he sorted out drug counselling, got a job, and relapsed twice, BUT, got straight BA k on it....now I'm not naive to think he's cured, far from it, but he fights daily to stay clean, and his job really helps....he's doing well, is third in charge, and only been there a couple of months..he luvs it, and says it gives him focus.. Don't give up on your son completely, because hopefully he too will want help...and when he does be there to support him..it might take longer than you want, but I pray the time will come....until then look after YOU and the family.....here most days checking in, so if you need to talk....will say a prayer for your son and all the others affected by addiction.....hugs Hunni xx

pinkpink
25 Oct 2014

Thankyou so much x cant take no more i feel like im falling a part but on wards and upwards have to be strongxxx

Icarus_Trust
6 Nov 2014

Hi pink pink,

CANT TAKE NO MORE is right.  There are ways of you speaking to people, to let it all out, which may help you.  The Icarus Trust is an organisation which provides you with a Family Friend - someone who has been in a similar situation, who you can speak to.  They all have experience with addiction in the family.  You can contact them on info@icarustrust.org or see their website www.icarustrust.org.

Best of luck!

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