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PLEASE. I need some help, my dad is on drugs.

Posted by Positivity #1 on 21 December 2014.

I am 21 years old and my dad is on drugs. He is an EXTREMELY intelligent man but for the last 2-3 years or so he has turned to cocaine, meth, and god knows what else. This is due to , at least what I think, his mid life crisis and business struggles. He recently sent an email to our whole family admitting that he does. What makes me sad is that he blames ME especially as well as my mom for his addiction. Anytime we try to talk to him, even calmly, he yells and walks out of the house. I live in Canada now and he is still in the US. He always tells me to come to him but I want to live in Canada because personally I see my future here...and I believe that I should stand on my own two feet If I want to help him get back on his and that I need to be around positivity so I at leastcan live a positive life. My family (not including my mom) calls it selfish of me, but I think its best for the long run. What do you think? Should I be there with him and my mom and little brother? Or get settled in my life here in Canada (making frequent visits to them of course), because I know that only he HIMSELF can fix his problem and not me. Do I owe that to myself? I mean Im so negative around him! I dont want to be a negative dad one day either. In addition, next week, my family including me are all going over to discuss this issue with him and to convince him to go to rehab. Is anger is very very bad btw. My question to everyone is what should I do in this situation. He doesnt even talk to anyone and thinks of us as idiots. Should have the doctors forefully take him or what? So my two main questions are.....1)Should I continue living a positive life in Canada making frequent visits to my family?  AND 2) What should we do about my dad? Please help someone, I need it.

Comments

lolipop
21 Dec 2014

Hello I read your post and really feel for you . You are not responsible for the choices your dad makes and neither are you responsible for "fixing " him . He has made some bad choices in his life you don't have to put up with them sweetheart , you deserve your own life and happiness . No one can tell you what to do only you will have to live with your choices much the same as your dad lives with his .. When the disease of addiction is active it's s terrible thing for families and loved ones to witness . You can't fix your dad only he can do that and he has to really want too . I'm sure you know all this in your heart , be kind to yourself you deserve it I'm sorry I'm not more help but there really is no easy answer for any of us . Take care, Lolipop xx

CANT TAKE NO MORE
22 Dec 2014

Lollipop is right...your dad chose his addiction, it had nothing to do with you or any other member of the family...addicts are good at blaming everyone else...you have made your life for the time being in Canada,and I applaud you for that. I think your father is very lucky the family are trying to help. And his anger speaks volumes, cause he is probably more angry at himself...you can't save him, only he can,but if and when he decides to get help will be the time that he needs the support....your mum sounds like a wonderful woman, has she sought help and support from anyone?cause living with an addict really wears you down....let us know how things go..sending strength and love xx

Icarus Trust
3 Jan 2015

Hi,
I agree with the posts above. You sound a really positive person and I'm glad that you know that its your dad's choices that are causing him problems not yours.
The Icarus Trust is a charity which supports the families and friends of addicts. We have experienced trained volunteers, called 'Family Friends' that you or your mum might like to talk to.  While there may not be any easy answers it often helps to talk to people who understand what you are going through.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
This is a free service so I hope it may help you.
Good luck!

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