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POSITIVE LOVE TO SUE, FIFI AND LUCY & ALL YOU PARENTS

Posted by CANT TAKE NO MORE on 6 May 2014.

Im sending out positive love to you all today....We have had a terrible weekend with our son..His court case was adjourned again, and it was like a green light for him....He ended up getting arrested for criminal damage, whilst drinking...The police man who rang us, was amazing (unusual I know)..He recognised immediately that our son was at the end of the line. He spoke at length, and put his arms around my son as his tears flowed...He has another 2 weeks to wait before the next court date, and in that time is going back to to counselling and agreeing to have medication ...This in itself is a big step..We as a family have also agreed for him to get extra counselling privately..Now whether that is before or after he comes out of prison....I see a broken boy in front of me, but I WILL NOT GIVE IN, I WILL REMAIN POSITIVE.....and ultimately help him fight the demon drink and drugs..... One thing I can say is, today is a new day..but I want to thank that police officer who took the time, showed compassion, and as he said to me..."your lad is fighting to regain his life as it was...he can do it"!!!! Words that made me very humble xxxx sending out love, hugs and positivity!!!!

Comments

sad and tired
9 May 2014

That is sounding good, I hope my son reaches the point where he realises he needs help.  I will keep my fingers crossed and pray for you and your son.  My boy has now lost his job, I have told him not to come home until he is ready to accept the help I am willing to give him to sort his self out.  He has been round a couple of times for a shower and a meal but shows no sign of seeing what his life is turning out like.  He is in court next month, sometimes I hope they will lock him away just so he has time to think and clear his head.  I hope to god we get to the point you are at. Desperate times but it sounds so hopeful. Good luck xxxx

CANT TAKE NO MORE
9 May 2014

Havent slept all night, my son has been a crying mess....Been ringing round today and on Monday he will be having blood tests done to start a course of medication that stops him drinking..(will know more Monday) He had his first counselling with a private counsellor this afternoon  ( after I begged for her to see him) which I am paying for which deals with emotions and getting to the brunt of his problem...She has identified already that he is suffering with severe depression, anxiety a form of mental health issues which she believes stem from the alcohol /drugs..She believes there is a reason why he continues to use them  to block out something / life , feeling let down, unloved....I believe I know what it is...the fact his dad was never round, never made him feel truly loved, and when he was around constantly made promises he couldnt keep.....He wrapped his arms round me as we were going to the car, and said he had nothing to say to me other than sorry.....What I will say is she does not want him to get anti depressants, until she sees him again, she believes he can conquer this without substituting one drug for another...And she has asked him to list all the good things in his life and bring it with him in the next session.......I am in awe of him, and the hard road ahead...he is scared, frightened and angry, but hopeful.........I just hope when hes back in court they will see this is a man who needs to get help..putting him in prison wont be the answer at this stage, but I trust the judge will do the right thing...If he does go to prison, then I have told him we will put everything on hold, and carry where we left off...None of us are going anywhere.....pray for him, cause he needs all the prayers in the world x
SAD AND TIRED.....Keep the faith and hope.....it can happen to all our kids who have been dragged down by their drink.drug fueled life....You and I have to remain positive....sending you luv n real hope x

sad and tired
10 May 2014

That all sounds so positive, still a long hard road but you have the main thing you need which is your sons acceptance that something is badly going wrong in his life.   With that you can move forward.  My son who has been out of work for just over a week is staying with a friend and seems to think its one long party at the moment......I am sure this will change and reality will set in eventually but at the moment I feel very angry that everything he had is gone and he doesn't even care.  He doesn't even care enough to speak to me in a civil manner when all I try to do is for his benefit.  I really think I need to just leave him to it and get on with my own life but it is so hard there is always part of you that remembers that this person was once your baby and little boy.  Its so hard xx

CANT TAKE NO MORE
10 May 2014

Sad and tired, its so bloomin hard, to let them get on with it and not give into them....I was his biggest enabler and when that lightbulb went on I stopped.....He hated me for it, but soon came around to the reality of "mum aint gonna fall for it"...I ve heard all the manipulating stories.....someones after him, someones going to kill him, hes going to kill himself, he owes money, bla bla bla..I just switched off, and removed myself from the situation... Yes I was there when he needed a meal, or wanted to talk, but that was it..Ive been called some terrible things in the past, and no doubt will hear them again......but I know deep in my heart, that this is a by product of the alcohol and drugs.......Im still not under any illusion that he will get through this and come out the other end...and IF he slips up then the counselling I am paying for will stop, until he gets back to it...Im so angry sometimes with the choices he had made I could burst, and the people he associates with are just as bad....Its so sad!!!!!!!!

sad and tired
10 May 2014

do you know I can relate to all of what you have said.  Yes I gave in, gave him money, paid his bills. he would ask for money as he owed money to friends which HAD to be paid, owed to work mates which HAD to be paid.  Someone would be after him if he didn't pay money, he would be in real trouble.  Now I wont give anything yes like you I am a dreadful mother (so he says) like you I have been verbally abused, told to f off constantly, called a retard, all sorts.  But still I am there for him, I know this is not my son and I grieve for the son I have lost and hope that he will come back one day.  I hate the people he hangs about with although I don't really know them, I do know they have encouraged him to get to this point.  I haven't heard from him for a couple of days and am trying not to contact him but I worry where he is and what he is doing.  I so hope this ends soon......

CANT TAKE NO MORE
11 May 2014

Hey sad and tired......I know its like living in a bad dream. Dont give up hope, but dont enable him eother...its hard, and the best advice I was ever given is WAIT....Wait for them to come to you...Yes my son tries to manipulate my feelings, but as hard as it is, I ignore his words. Ive had times when I havent heard from my son...days....its part of the addiction......as long as they are doing it they stay away..... Deep down your son knows you love him, and also knows you hate his life....They have no shame, and its disgusting, I hate it when the phone rings and I hate the bad mouth he has become.....Thats drugs and alcohol for you.. Stay strong hunni, you are NOT a terrible mother, but one like so many others that cant make this go away.... My lad is fantastic with his hands..can fix anything, and when he has been working, they all say he is a grafter..but once the drugs and alcohol get hold all that goes out the window......He is coming to stay tonight so I can take him tomorrow, to get the medication to stop him drinking.....then court Wednesday....and IF he doesnt go to jail, then another counselling session.....im tired, not eating properly, and snappy with the rest of the family...but Im his mum, and have to do whatever I can to atleast help him.......I hope he wants it bad enough!

sad and tired
11 May 2014

Again you sound very like me, he hasn't been getting in touch and that worries me but I am trying to leave him, he text today to ask for money when I asked what for he said for electric and ciggies.  I told him no so he says he will take out another pay day loan.....I have told him to do what he feels he needs to do, until he wants real help to get over whatever it is he is doing I wont help certainly not with money.  Yes I think he knows I love him deep down and one day I hope he will see why I am doing this.  I understand you being snappy I am the same, it is stress, keep strong and good luck with court xxxx

CANT TAKE NO MORE
11 May 2014

Im so proud of you sad and tired....The less help you give him (enabling him) the quicker he will come to realise that he cant sustain his life style....We had another visit from police yesterday looking for him....I told them he didnt live here, and they would know that as he was arrested last weekend...Also told them to stop bothering me, and IF they had checked properly they would find him in court Wednesday. Thats another thing that pees me off...I dont want police at my door. Told him and he said it was about a fight afew months ago..not bothered at all!!!! Im under no illusion he definately will do time, whether for breach or something else....Today we sat in the garden briefly and I told him he had to take what was coming. At 23 nearly 24 he has done nothing with his life, BUT, he has the rest of his life to change things..and be the father he should be to his son. Sad and tired, its a long road, and I HOPE that your son will grow out of it...and grow up!!!! I also wish you well , and I may not be a religious person, but I do pray for our lads...stay positive, be strong and WAIT...... Hugs hunni xxx

fifi65
11 May 2014

Hi Susie got everything crossed for you and your son, I hope a little light switches on for him and he realises its no life being addicted to drink & drugs!! In my prayers Susie xxx

sad and tired
12 May 2014

yes I know what you mean about police, I have had more police round in the last few months than ever.  I am a decent person, so I like to think and find it as difficult as you do to find police on the doorstep. well don you for telling them, they should at least know he is in court.....crazy isn't it.  And no I can understand your son wouldn't be bothered nor would mine, its what they are used to and they really don't care that they are dragging us down with them.  I feel positive for your son, its looking hopeful, mine is nowhere near wanting to change and it gets to much some times.  I don't feel like a good mum because I am not doing everything I can to help him like I usually do but I know I cant.......xx

CANT TAKE NO MORE
12 May 2014

Off to get blood tests then get his medication today..... Im really hoping that even if he goes to prison they will continue with the medication....not sure how it works..Hey Fi..Ive been thinking about you and sad and tired alot.....my stomache is in my mouth, and I really want this to be the start of the rest of his life.. We have never got to this point before......and that is frightening, because I want this to be the start of something positive, but im scared.....Ladies, we love them unconditionally, but hate plays a part in all of this...Most of the time I truly HATE what he does, and what he puts the family through.....I will let you know how things go this week.....sending you love, positivity and massive hugs...stay strong xxx Here for you and if either of you need to talk I am happy to do it via email....luv to all you parents with children addicted

CANT TAKE NO MORE
12 May 2014

Sad and tired..YOU ARE A GOOD MOTHER.....You have stopped enabling him.....thats the biggest gift you can give him right now.....xxxxxx

sad and tired
12 May 2014

thank you xx I am sure they would continue your sons medication.  How long has it taken to get to this point for him.  I pray we get there as well xxx thinking of you

Lucy
12 May 2014

Thanks for thinking ov me and much love to u x

sad and tired
14 May 2014

good luck for tomorrow xxx

Lucy
15 May 2014

Hope u are all staying strong...it is the hardest thing in the world..loving an addict...u dont want them to suffer u but when it gets to a certain point u start to have to pull away...its torture at tyms...i wish with all my heart i could have my partner back to share a life with again talk to him hug him and that evil drug robbed us ov ever doing that again...losing him 12 days ago and so suddenly is hell dont no how i will carry on with life but i do no that regardless of being desperate to do all ov the above i no he is free..no more pain and no more struggles...and i did everything i could...care and love them but i completely understand the need to stand back they hate the life they live as much as you and dont want to hurt any of their loved ones they just end up doing so bcoz when in addiction it rules their life they no longer have choices...its the hardest position to b in and i pray u all stay strong do what u feel is best for u and remind ur loved ones they r loved xxx

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