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Reaching the end of the line....

Posted by Springtime on 19 March 2016.

A letter to my 23 year old daughter who is an addict..... What the ****? How the hell can you NOT change after everything you have put your daughter and family through?  How the hell can anyone on this planet be SO  selfish and think of themselves and ONLY of themselves? Is it a personality disorder? Is it the drugs?  Who the hell knows...only I know that I have been hurt beyond belief and am past the point of no return. Can you understand that?  Do you even care? I wish you happiness and luck in your life...I genuinely do. But I have to draw a line in my life to save MY sanity and care for the people who love me unconditionally and deserve my love in return. Goodbye daughter. ..

Comments

Icarus Trust
22 Mar 2016

Hi,
I feel really sad reading your post. You have obviously been through a terrible time. Its good to hear that you have people who love you but if you need any other help from people that would understand what you have been through please contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports the family and friends of people with addictions. if you would feel it useful, you could be put in touch with one of our Family Friends who are experienced trained volunteers. Talking to one of them might help you make sense of how you are feeling.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
I hope things work out for you.

Helenjh
13 Apr 2016

My son is 21 in June and first went to rehab aged 15 .... reading your post brought a tear to my eye i have felt like that so many times with him too ..... 

Addiction is an illness - while abusing they are not the person you really know ...the substance abuse changes them and that is all they can think about that is their only priority how to get their next fix 

I received that late night knock on the door 3rd October 2013 at 2am my son had been run over while walking in the road ... he suffered severe brain trauma, broke both his legs an arm and his neck in two places he went through 10 hours of life saving brain surgery and was in a coma for 9 weeks and against all the odds he made it and despite early opinions he can walk, talk etc has learned to do everything again ..... including substance abuse so i feel your message HOW CAN THEY KEEP DOING THIS TO US?  but they dont see it as doing it to us they make a decision to abuse again usually because they can no longer fight off the urge and then they are enveloped in the whole thing again 

I know if my son had been anybody else i wouldve walked away years ago but something inside me just keeps hoping one day he will sort himself out ..... before the addiction takes him for good x

Helenjh
13 Apr 2016

My son is 21 in June and first went to rehab aged 15 .... reading your post brought a tear to my eye i have felt like that so many times with him too ..... 

Addiction is an illness - while abusing they are not the person you really know ...the substance abuse changes them and that is all they can think about that is their only priority how to get their next fix 

I received that late night knock on the door 3rd October 2013 at 2am my son had been run over while walking in the road ... he suffered severe brain trauma, broke both his legs an arm and his neck in two places he went through 10 hours of life saving brain surgery and was in a coma for 9 weeks and against all the odds he made it and despite early opinions he can walk, talk etc has learned to do everything again ..... including substance abuse so i feel your message HOW CAN THEY KEEP DOING THIS TO US?  but they dont see it as doing it to us they make a decision to abuse again usually because they can no longer fight off the urge and then they are enveloped in the whole thing again 

I know if my son had been anybody else i wouldve walked away years ago but something inside me just keeps hoping one day he will sort himself out ..... before the addiction takes him for good x

Helenjh
13 Apr 2016

My son is 21 in June and first went to rehab aged 15 .... reading your post brought a tear to my eye i have felt like that so many times with him too ..... 

Addiction is an illness - while abusing they are not the person you really know ...the substance abuse changes them and that is all they can think about that is their only priority how to get their next fix 

I received that late night knock on the door 3rd October 2013 at 2am my son had been run over while walking in the road ... he suffered severe brain trauma, broke both his legs an arm and his neck in two places he went through 10 hours of life saving brain surgery and was in a coma for 9 weeks and against all the odds he made it and despite early opinions he can walk, talk etc has learned to do everything again ..... including substance abuse so i feel your message HOW CAN THEY KEEP DOING THIS TO US?  but they dont see it as doing it to us they make a decision to abuse again usually because they can no longer fight off the urge and then they are enveloped in the whole thing again 

I know if my son had been anybody else i wouldve walked away years ago but something inside me just keeps hoping one day he will sort himself out ..... before the addiction takes him for good x

Helenjh
13 Apr 2016

My son is 21 in June and first went to rehab aged 15 .... reading your post brought a tear to my eye i have felt like that so many times with him too ..... 

Addiction is an illness - while abusing they are not the person you really know ...the substance abuse changes them and that is all they can think about that is their only priority how to get their next fix 

I received that late night knock on the door 3rd October 2013 at 2am my son had been run over while walking in the road ... he suffered severe brain trauma, broke both his legs an arm and his neck in two places he went through 10 hours of life saving brain surgery and was in a coma for 9 weeks and against all the odds he made it and despite early opinions he can walk, talk etc has learned to do everything again ..... including substance abuse so i feel your message HOW CAN THEY KEEP DOING THIS TO US?  but they dont see it as doing it to us they make a decision to abuse again usually because they can no longer fight off the urge and then they are enveloped in the whole thing again 

I know if my son had been anybody else i wouldve walked away years ago but something inside me just keeps hoping one day he will sort himself out ..... before the addiction takes him for good x

Springtime
14 Apr 2016

Thank you Icarus Trust  and Helenjh for your comments. 
Whilst I dont feel ready or brave enough to speak with a counsellor at the Trust I know this could help me try to understand my daughters addiction. I will make that call one day...x
You are so right Helenjh that it is an illness and seeing first hand how it consumes the person is hard to watch and the cause of my despair.
So sorry to hear about your son and I admit to being shocked that after all he went through the addiction still took hold again.
I wrote this the day after I had collected my daughter from prison, hoping this was the wake up call for her to change but finding out that within 24 hrs she was using again, not sure she ever stopped.
She's now back in prison and as much as I am angry and upset with her, that part of me deep down inside hopes that maybe this is the turning point for her and i find myself writing to her offering love and support...because she's my daughter. ..x

Springtime
14 Apr 2016

Thank you Icarus Trust  and Helenjh for your comments. 
Whilst I dont feel ready or brave enough to speak with a counsellor at the Trust I know this could help me try to understand my daughters addiction. I will make that call one day...x
You are so right Helenjh that it is an illness and seeing first hand how it consumes the person is hard to watch and the cause of my despair.
So sorry to hear about your son and I admit to being shocked that after all he went through the addiction still took hold again.
I wrote this the day after I had collected my daughter from prison, hoping this was the wake up call for her to change but finding out that within 24 hrs she was using again, not sure she ever stopped.
She's now back in prison and as much as I am angry and upset with her, that part of me deep down inside hopes that maybe this is the turning point for her and i find myself writing to her offering love and support...because she's my daughter. ..x

Poppy123
3 May 2016

Springtime, I read your post and felt like I was reading what I am feeling at the moment. My 23 year old son is a drug addict, he was released from prison on Friday, I arrange for his daughter to see him over the weekend, he lasted a day and a half until he disappeared saying he was going to the shop, he came back several hours later clearly under the influence of drugs. I am now at the point in my life, after 7 years of suffering trying to help him, where I've had enough, I've cried too many tears, I've done everything in my power to support him to give up, but the harsh, and sad reality is, he doesn't want to. Not for himself, not for his daughter, not for his family.

Poppy123
3 May 2016

Springtime, I read your post and felt like I was reading what I am feeling at the moment. My 23 year old son is a drug addict, he was released from prison on Friday, I arrange for his daughter to see him over the weekend, he lasted a day and a half until he disappeared saying he was going to the shop, he came back several hours later clearly under the influence of drugs. I am now at the point in my life, after 7 years of suffering trying to help him, where I've had enough, I've cried too many tears, I've done everything in my power to support him to give up, but the harsh, and sad reality is, he doesn't want to. Not for himself, not for his daughter, not for his family.

Poppy123
3 May 2016

Springtime, I read your post and felt like I was reading what I am feeling at the moment. My 23 year old son is a drug addict, he was released from prison on Friday, I arrange for his daughter to see him over the weekend, he lasted a day and a half until he disappeared saying he was going to the shop, he came back several hours later clearly under the influence of drugs. I am now at the point in my life, after 7 years of suffering trying to help him, where I've had enough, I've cried too many tears, I've done everything in my power to support him to give up, but the harsh, and sad reality is, he doesn't want to. Not for himself, not for his daughter, not for his family.

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