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ruined relationship

Posted by just me on 13 June 2014.

Hi
I'm new to this so please bare with me. My partner, well ex partner now has never hidden the fact that he used to use cocaine and was an addict. Our relationship was a whirl wind and we were due to get married this November. I have 2 children from a previous relationship who totally adored him. Throughout the relationship most weeks were a roller coaster, he would be on top of the world one minute and then the next day threatening to kill himself and going missing for a few hours. I suppose I sort of thought he had bipolar or something. I took him to docs who put him on citalopram and they did help until the roller coaster started again. Then yesterday he admitted he never stopped taking Cocaine and I had to put my hold kids first and told him to leave. I don't know what to do he really is a good person but his addiction has completely wrapped itself around him and will not let go. I don't know where he is but I am regularly getting texts from him saying how bad he feels it's almost like there is no thought for the mess he's left behind. I love him so so much but the addiction seems to come before me. I've told him there is a chance for us if he seeks help and maybe a few months down the line we could see where he is. I just don't know. I'm grieving for the man I love maybe he never existed maybe the whole relationship was a lie. I'm just a mess. Any advice would be appreciated.

Comments

CANT TAKE NO MORE
13 Jun 2014

You have done the right thing...it will only get worse, until he gets help and wants to stop. I know you love him, but you are right to put your kids first....unfortunately for most addicts the drugs do come first, and anyone in the vicinity is drawn into the hell..mood swings, lies, aggressive behaviour...all the negatives you don't want kids to see... I hope he gets help, but stay strong for yourself and those kids, because they only have one chance of a happy childhood. Hugs x

just me
13 Jun 2014

Thank you so much for your reply, it has literally bought me to tears. I know I've done the right thing for my children but even so the pain im feeling inside is unbearable. It's almost as though I'm grieving for what could have been, for what he could have been if it weren't for the disgusting powder he puts up his nose.
I can never understand the addiction he knows that, he has still been texting, the usual self pitying and I just feel like screaming what about me??!!! I don't know whether to cut all contact or to  stay in touch just to see how he's getting on, I just don't know. I do worry he will commit suicide. One thing is for sure he will not step a foot in this house again as an addict. 
I am trying to stay strong but this pain inside keeps erupting. Thank you so much for your kind words, it is a huge comfort speaking to somebody who knows what I'm going through. My family are supportive but they do not under stand bin a way. I just dread to think my ex partner will end up dead at only 28, I will always care about him..I think that's the saddest thing about it xxx

CANT TAKE NO MORE
14 Jun 2014

Your pain is shared by all the other parents, partners, children on here.....It is hard, but those in the throws oF addiction only think of one person, and unfortunately that's them....There are moments when you think perhaps i'm being too hard...I was like that, until the magical light bulb went on and I thought enough is enough...As for the suicide threats...thats normal...we have heard all that and more...personally, heal yourself and let him get on with it.....until he wants the help you will be fighting a loosing battle..sorry hunni xxx

nitty
8 Aug 2014

I am in the same situation as you I have been with my partner for 4 years and yesterday I had to kick him out I feel the same I'm grieving for the man inside not the one that's behind the cocaine, I feel so lost and I don't know y cause our relationship was bad to the end constant fighting, paranoia, I couldn't move go out or just be me he turned me into a person I didn't like, I have to kids and it's effected them and if I don't break away and stay away it will end up with either him dead or me and I need to keep telling myself this, hope u r ok and things work out x

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