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sadness

Posted by JB1958 on 27 August 2014.

My son, my beautiful son, steals, lies, not just from me but from friends and family, nothing is sacred. He cannot seem to settle or hold down a job. I know he smokes skank but wonder if there is something else but of course he denies it. He has so much debt it is frightening. I want to help him but don't know how or even if I have the emotional or physical energy to do so. I feel so broken inside, how must he feel.  I think he will end up in prison and that scares me so much. So many tears right now. Please help me to help him.

Comments

dee
27 Aug 2014

My God I feel for you I am going through this with 2 sons, believe me you cant help him, I have been trying for years. they have to want the help, my sons don't want the help yet. Its just a constant battle, I really feel for you, I have 2 sons addicted to crack and I cant do anything about it. Its a struggle, but I know we cant keep giving because that is not helping in the long run its just enabeling them. I have tried everything, no I feel my life is not my own, every day revolves around them. "Mum I have no electric, no gas, no food, can you lend me!" you have to say no. I will buy them a little food but I wont give them money. Be cruel to be kind.

JB1958
27 Aug 2014

Hi Dee thankyou for replying. I found out today that he stole from his girlfriends nan, they came round to tell me, and are calling the police. My whole world is falling apart.  I love him so much. I want to run away with him but know that is not the right thing to do. It is just the most painful.

JANE2504
27 Aug 2014

Try to stay strong and try to concentrate on other things.  Thats the only way I survive with my three girls.  I am constantly telling myself that they are making the choice to do what they do.  Parents are supposed to die for their children but mine cant NOT take drugs even knowing their babies are suffering and the youngest has even lost her boy forever.  I'm not allowed to see him either but I'm still glad he is having a good life with his father and his fathers family.  Children should come first but my children put themselves first.  They are adults making decisions to put everyone through this stress.  They wouldn't die if they didn't  do it!  Pure selfishness and they try to put the guilt on us!  I feel for you.xx

CANT TAKE NO MORE
28 Aug 2014

As parents we want to fix things for our kids..but drugs is a whole different ball game.... The lies, the thieving, is their sheer desperation in wanting to get their choice of drug.....stop enabling them because it's their choice in what they do not the parents... I stopped enabling my son after 4 years of thinking I could help..the only thing I did was add to his problem....be strong and stick to it....xx

JB1958
28 Aug 2014

Thank you all for your feedback _ everyone has a story and it is so sad. I am strong, I know that, and will get through it.  Think the whole thing of being caught and confronted has kicked in an emotion I haven't seen for a long time in him. 'Shame'. He actually returned the item of jewelry to them,  and sat with them to explain why he did it. He admitted the debts, the addiction, how scared he was, and took himself to the doctors. He has asked for help. I am under no illusion here but it is a first. He has a baby daughter he adores, and may lose her think that really shook him. We live in hope.  I told him I will walk beside him but not for him. He needs to always take the first step toward help. Not through me, nor for me but for himself. God bless to everyone here, much love and hugs. We all need that x

Icarus_Trust
31 Aug 2014

Wow, you are an incredible and strong woman. Sounds like you are on the road and I really hope it remains that way, even though it is going to be a long road. If you want any additional help or advice, even someone to speak to, The Icarus Trust is a charity with trained people to help you in any way possible. They do so much and I think they may be able to help you further in one way or another. You can just email them at info@icarustrust.org or their website is www.icarustrust.org.
I wish you all the best for you family and their road to recovery.

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