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Posted by concerned mum on 8 April 2014.

My son is the middle child of three and I had to have him removed from our home environment due to alchol and drug abuse as i have a toddler in the home....He is drinking excessively taking drugs and constantly in trouble with the police he has had three short spells in prison.

I am at my wits end with him..have tried everything possible to support him in and away fro family home.

he is now homeless..his own doing,he did have a flat he was evicted
he gets his benefits and within two days it is gone and coming to me for money for food.  I have tried to be hard as i understand by providing im enabling..i told him no to money but he could come for meals he did nt and collapsed in street four days later..so i relented and gave him money ...he is now putting me in debt and im struggling with stress..Any advice would be really appreciated i just dont know what to do

Comments

fifi65
9 Apr 2014

Hi concerned mum, take no notice of the above, its spam, dirty scum trying to get money out of vunerable people.. Adfam will remove it as soon as they see it tomorrow..  Don't let it put you off hun, we're all in the same boat on here, there are some lovely people who can lend an ear or maybe give you some sound advice.. I will be back on tomoz and we can have a little chat, until then take care Fiona xx

sad and tired
9 Apr 2014

I am in the same boat, they lie and manipulate until you give them money.  No self respecting parent wants to see their child hungry but what on earth are we meant to do when they throw their money away on drugs or booze.  I am seeing my money slowly go down the drain and it makes me sick, I work hard and it hurts when I try to help my son and he takes my help then laughs at me and says he knows I wouldn't see him in trouble, He may be in for a shock....

sad and tired
9 Apr 2014

I am in the same boat, they lie and manipulate until you give them money.  No self respecting parent wants to see their child hungry but what on earth are we meant to do when they throw their money away on drugs or booze.  I am seeing my money slowly go down the drain and it makes me sick, I work hard and it hurts when I try to help my son and he takes my help then laughs at me and says he knows I wouldn't see him in trouble, He may be in for a shock....

sad and tired
9 Apr 2014

I am in the same boat, they lie and manipulate until you give them money.  No self respecting parent wants to see their child hungry but what on earth are we meant to do when they throw their money away on drugs or booze.  I am seeing my money slowly go down the drain and it makes me sick, I work hard and it hurts when I try to help my son and he takes my help then laughs at me and says he knows I wouldn't see him in trouble, He may be in for a shock....

CANT TAKE NO MORE
9 Apr 2014

Welcome to the group concerned mum....Many of us are going through the same thing. Its hard, because as mothers and fathers we want to be there for our kids, make sure they are ok... The difference is our sons are addicts!!! By giving in, all we do is prolong the misery, create a cycle that only YOU can break.. Dont get yourself into debt, stop giving him money....He wont go hungry, because if he is that hungry, he will come to you.... Perhaps set ground rules, and what your expectations are...OK, in a perfect world he would be off the drugs and alcohol, but we dont live in a perfect world. I have told my son he can be at ours as long as there is  no alcohol, drugs coming in my house, and he isnt wasted when he arrives...Saturday he got mashed, turned up, and we told him to leave..After a mouth full of abuse he went....now its hard, but it encroaches on all of us, and that isnt my life, or my partners, or my little ones...ITS HIS LIFE!!!!  I will be there with open arms when he decides he really wants the help, until then, IM DONE!!!!!! The embarrassment, disgust, helpless feelings will always be there, but how we manage them can make a difference...Ive only been in this group for a short time, but I get stronger every time I communicate with another wonderful parent going through the same....Stay strong all your parents out there.......sending hugs xxx

concerned mum
9 Apr 2014

Hi, thankyou all for your comments..its nice to suddenly not feel so alone in all this...I have battled this for three years with my son...I too come from a hardworking family...I work permanent nights and juggle that round a three year old.  My eldest son is an engineer and works hard..no problems there he still lives at home..But everyone else has washed their hands of my middle son his own father barely bothers so feel like everything is landed on my shoulders.  He has lost so much weight it breaks my heart to see him this way he has been in prison for breaching orders and a massive long list of other stuff.  I have stood by him constantly but get a constant array of abuse.  He has been evicted from his flat but is still squatting there and tried telling me he is clean..He went missing couple weeks ago and found him out of it in his flat..he woke and said he was just sleeping i accused him of still taking drugs which he denied until i picked a bag up from his table and held it in front of his face....he literally grabbed me and physically through me out the door.  I feel so alone in all this

CANT TAKE NO MORE
9 Apr 2014

My sons father has never bothered...Only turns up when things are on an even keel....My partner and I have done everything for him, and he constantly throws it back in our faces....I can barely look at my son without feeling anger..he knows full well where I stand......now all the family and extended family are on the same page, and dont give him money, he depends on his money alone....when he is here I watch him like a hawk, never leave my bag unattended, and check if he goes upstairs by making an excuse to go up for something...for your own peace leave him to it...Im not saying give up on him, but be there IF & WHEN he needs you....hope this helps xxxxx

concerned mum
9 Apr 2014

Thank you CANT TAKE NO MORE....I do exactly the same things dont leave stuf lying around ...hide everything before he comes round I know what I should do and know im too soft he is still my little boy...but i feel the same he has put us all through so much all i feel is anger hurt and betrayal..He is caused so many arguments between myself and his step father who incidentally has also tried everything to help him but has just found it easier to stand back now where has obviously that maternal instinct has given him the green light to manipulate me xx

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