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A place for families, because you don't have to use drugs to be affected by them.

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Posted by brokenmam on 30 July 2016.

My son has been a Heroin user for 20 years on and off, more on than off, he was diagnosed at 15 as having some learning behaviours and this has had an impact on his ability to enhanced think and struggle to see consequences, he recently relapsed again and I discovered today he has been stealing from my bank account to fund this, I am broken, i am not even angry, I can't afford the loss but i am more scared than anything, he has never stooped this low as to steal off me but had offended in the past to fund his use. He has spent a lot of his adult life in prison and all that taught him was to be a better criminal. I have no support and if i told the rest of my family they would say ring the police, kick him out, my husband (his step dad) would disown him and I fear he would expect me to cut him loose. This will never happen, sometimes I look at other families and wonder what went wrong with mine, I loved my kids from the second I laid eyes on them and although they are all adults would take a bullet for them, life at the moment feels hopeless and sour, but I cannot, i will not turn my back on him, just needed to write this down and get it off my chest-thanks

Comments

jonic
31 Jul 2016

Hi, I too am new to this and just posted my own story. I am the mum of a 29 years old who has a heroin addiction, he is trying to get off it, he is on a subutex script which I foolishly believed was working but I have recently discovered that he has relapsed. He lies to me, pawns the family's belongings, and money. We live with my parents who are 70 and they would ask him to leave if they know he has relapsed so I am keeping this to myself and trying to help him but feel so desperate. I understand that you don't want to turn your back on your son, I feel the same. If I did, he would most certainly go back on a slippery slope but I don't know what else to do to help him, I feel so alone. I hope you can find the help you need and someone on this blog might be able to help us both, thinking of you x

Muzerate
6 Aug 2016

Hi, I am the mother of a 35 year old who has been a heroin addict for the past 20 years. He has ADHD and other mental problems and has been in and out of prison, lived at home and independently (with a bad outcome). We have tried to help him, stuck by him to the detriment of our health, now aged 68 and 61 we feel we deserve a life too. When we returned from our last holiday we discovered he had stolen money from our bank account , he had been using heroin, crack cocaine etc and built up a debt with some nasty characters. We told him he had to leave and I went to the council with him to register him as homeless. He is now sofa surfing whilst waiting for a hostel place. He looks terrible and its breaking my heart to see him  suffering. He's shoplifting again and its only a matter of time before he's arrested .I always said I would not put him out as it would not help. I now believe that 'helping' him all these years was actually enabling him. He did not have to face up to the realities of his drug taking as he had a nice comfortable Home to come back to and mummy and daddy to help sort out his problems. Now he has to face up to his addiction and the consequences. We cannot do that for him and I realise that by 'helping' him I have actually helped him to waste years as an addict going round and round In a circle of methadone,clean, heroin, methadone,clean, heroin.  Nothing has changed other than we are all older and have wasted many many many years trying to help him. He is the only one who can help himself. It's tough but you have to stop helping him and then he will have to face up to his problems and help himself. You keep him at home he can still do drugs, still overdose, still steal and cheat and lie .You cannot fix him. I do hope you can get some support to help,you make a difficult decision. Xx

Icarus Trust
5 Sep 2016

Please contact the Icarus Trust. we are a charity that is there to support the friends and families of addicts because we know how difficult it is to cope in this situation especially if you have no one to talk to.
We offer a free service from our 'Family Friends', experienced trained volunteers who you could be put in touch with  if you contact us. It often helps to talk and sometimes that can  help you to see the way ahead.
 You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
All the best.

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