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Should ex see our son?

Posted by Shaz on 30 December 2014.

I met my ex partner 3 years ago, I knew he used drugs recreationally but didn't realise he was dependant on cannabis until I was already pregnant. To cut a long story short I left him when our son was 9 months old and my ex visits every two weeks, we live 90 miles apart. I think our son who is now 2 picks up that something isn't quite right with his father as he used to cry when he saw him and never has reacted this way with anyone else. My ex can get very hyper and scares our son and doesn't seem to be aware of this when our son reacts in a frightened way. I let my ex stay over for Christmas but he still smoked his weed (outside) during the day even though I did mention that I'd prefer him to wait until the evening when our son was in bed. I had a bad dream in which my ex gave my son a joint and when I told him about it he just said that he probably would give him weed when he's older which immediately concerned me. Later that day we ended up having a disagreement about weed, I was trying to get the point across that someone who smokes it first thing in the morning has a problem like an alcoholic having a drink for breakfast but he thinks it's no worse than drinking coffee. I explained that it affects the way you think and behave but he's in denial about this. I don't want my son growing up around someone who uses drugs and behaves the way my ex does, he also gets very moody and can make nasty remarks. If I stop  him from seeing our son I don't want my son to grow up resenting me for cutting his father out of his life but I also feel that I need to protect my son from him. My ex loves our son very much and has been cut out of  his previous son's life, presumably because of the drugs. I would appreciate any advice please as I'm extremely worried about this.

Comments

CANT TAKE NO MORE
1 Jan 2015

You have every right to keep your son safe..it seems to me that your ex is down playing his role with drugs...it's good that he sees his son, that really is important. Set ground rules, stick to them and encourage your ex to get help.....good luck

Icarus Trust
5 Jan 2015

Hi Shaz,
What hard choices you are having to face. Can't take no more has given you good advice but if you would like some more support The Icarus Trust may be able to help you. We are a charity supporting people who are affected by the addictions of their family or friends. We have trained volunteers called 'Family Friends' who have all experienced living with the impact of another's addiction themselves.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
Good luck and keep strong!

sad and tired
22 Jan 2015

your son comes first, if your ex cant sort himself out around his child, then sadly he stays away.  Sometimes we have to make difficult choices .......

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