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A place for families, because you don't have to use drugs to be affected by them.

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so home again

Posted by newdidit on 12 January 2015.

Hi, I have searched and searched for help and came across this site so i hope you can show me where i go wrong but more importantly how i can help to get it right. in saying that i have just heard this saying and think it speaks volumes ' i have to learn to stop being a parent and parenting and just let life go on' i think i may have lost the correct ending but i will carry on.
my son is 25; i have two boys the eldest is 30; they both live with their respected partners. My life, our life has not been the easiest but not the hardest either but to cut a very long story short my youngest is home from his partner and 2 year old daughter again. i love all 3 of them to bits and this revolving door incident happens time and time again. His partner tells me that he smokes dope everyday and is spending far too much money on it his version of events is that its not everyday and he doesnt spend as much as she thinks. she is totally fed up with it and has once again thrown him out. They are young both work hard in full time jobs both devoted to their little girl but somethings going wrong and version of events are poles apart. i am trying to remain impartial; very hard; i cant seem to get through to him that if he is lying about his use then he is only lying to himself but he is always always adamant that hes not.While i love his partner and we have grown very close i can imagine that she is very difficult to live with for various reasons but this does not excuse his smoking. how can i help or should i just step out ????


Icarus Trust
12 Jan 2015

I feel for you being in the middle of this difficult situation. It must be very hard to know what to do or say for the best but I'm sure you're doing nothing wrong! 
I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust which supports the families and friends dealing with the impact of addiction. We have experienced trained volunteers called 'Family Friends' who, if you got in touch you could talk with. They have all had experience of addiction in their own families so would understand where you are coming from. Maybe talking with one of them about how you are feeling and sharing experiences might help you to find a way forward.
You can contact us on or visit the website
I hope that this will help you. Good luck.

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