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So tired of trying

Posted by Pinwin on 10 March 2014.

My now ex is drink dependant , after going through 18 months of hell with his drinking for him to leave last may , saying I want to enjoy life, you don't ( I lost any social life I had as I had too parent alone whilst he drank) . He then spiralled out of control.  Lost his two main income jobs( self employed) stole money to fund his drinking.  New girlfriend, she was his drinking buddy ..and basically went on self destruct .  
In this time I became self employed , paid all the bills as he gave me nothing towards our daughter. I had to deal with bailiffs looking for him as he'd not paid his own debts. Left me with a lot if debt..mostly his in my name as like a fool I'd taken loans out for him as he had CCjs against him. Did he care ..no . Kept our daughter down time and time again. He ended up homeless literally a lark bench was all he had so like a idiot I let him back here as in my mind..how could I let my daughters:dad sleep on a bench. It was horrendous..he finally got a flat 6 weeks ago and after a few half hearted attempts if saying I will change he ended up on Antabuse . 
Sober for 4 weeks..luckily no liver damage , our daughter just gone six in feb had a melt down in school re her dad. I felt so sad at thus as I'd obviously not protected her from it as well as I thought I had..so I take some responsibility for that. He's now fallen off the wagon.. Over a week ago went out with work he said( new job) he was slurring down the phone ..he says he'd taken the tablets but my gut is telling me that he'd stopped at least a week before he went out and he thought he'd test the waters...he was sick when he got in for four hrs solid. This weekend he's not at work..but he also works in a pub( yup great choice eh) ..he was supposed to see our daughter sat..a no show as he had been sick all night again. Promised to see her Sunday..again a no show..then promised to see her after school today. Another no show. The look on my beautiful little girls face broke my heart..
I know at last( a long time getting there) that his drinking is solely hugs responsibility . I've owned it for too long and I have to let him take full charge including the consequences of his drinking, but it is my responsibility to protect my daughter from this. 
What do I do now? I'd like to say to him, you can't see her whilst your drinking..at all..go get sorted. We are here waiting for the good dad to return..this would hurt my daughter but stability is the key and his erratic behaviour is defiantly not stable. I understand boundaries and the need for them and trust me I've tried this..but obviously things are out of control again. I just hope someone out there reading this as some insight in the best way to handle my daughter seeing her dad when he has let her down so many times . I just want a sober dad fir my daughter. I've not had chance yet to grieve my relations ho ending as I have been living drama after drama . I welcome the peace of him not been here but the drama still continues 
I'm lost

Comments

CANT TAKE NO MORE
20 Mar 2014

your daughter is so lucky to have you...you sound like you have only her interests at heart....Only you can make the decision to stop him seeing her, and by the sounds of things it looks like you have really thought about things.....It maybe a good time to lay your cards on the table with him, and tell him what you expect him to do regarding  your daughter..She is obviously the most important thing in all of this....Stay strong xxx

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