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So very tired and emotional

Posted by Arabella on 18 September 2015.

My daughter is 42 and an alcoholic. Her husband wants a divorce and can't see why she can't come back home. Why must we be made to feel the baddies because we say no. My mother had alcohol problems and Alzheimer's and l looked after her for 18 years. I have cancer and been told to avoid stress as much as possible but thats irrelevant as we have a spare room which it is assumed our daughter could use. I love my daughter but when on alcohol she is a completely different person. My other daughter and son have more or less given up on her and told me she needs tough love to realise she has to help herself. She did seek help last year but couldn't be sure she wouldn't drink again after a detox so that came to nothing. She is now only getting sick pay so can't afford as much vodka and had her first fit last week. She 'forgets' medical appointments, and doesn't answer calls or keep in touch. She seems to be on self destruct and no one can stop her, we keep being told she needs to hit rock bottom before she can climb out but how much lower must she fall. Deep down l know it's not in the family's best interest to have her home, there's no way it would be safe with the young grandchildren here daily, (l look after them whilst parents work) but the guilt remains. Your kids are always your kids, however they choose to live their lives.
Feel bit better for the rant, my family are fed up with the subject and refuse to discuss it anymore until she is willing to accept help so do tend to bottle things up. Thank you for listening, it's a lonely place for her and us.

Comments

Icarus Trust
26 Oct 2015

This must be so hard for you and you must feel so torn. It sounds like you could really do with someone to talk to who would understand just how you are feeling and what you are having to deal with. The Icarus Trust is a charity that supports the families and friends of addicts because we know how hard it is if you are in this situation. We have very experienced trained volunteers who you could be put in touch with if you contact us.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
Good luck. I hope this helps.

Daughter of alcoholic
4 Nov 2015

Hi, I know exactly how you feel. I find places like this are very good to let all emotions out as not many people understand. My Dad was an alcoholic and passed away in April this year at the age of 44, it was a very rough time but people didn't seem to be bothered, I didn't get the usual condolences as people seemed to think because he was an alcoholic it was to be expected. I was also told like you he needed to reach rock bottom to pick himself up, but the sad fact is it doesn't work, it may do for a little while but not in the long run. Alcohol is an illness and it is very hard to shake once it has taken over. My Dad was always a nice man, even with the alcohol, he just felt he needed it because it gave him confidence and gave him his life, without it he felt lost and didn't like that feeling. He went for help, but often lied about his situation to make it sound better and to make it sound as if he was getting better. Most alcoholics tend to feel as though they are invincible, when that is not the case and it is very hard to get the correct help. My Dad moved in with me but I couldn't have him around my daughter any more so I completely understand that you cant have your daughter around you and your grandchildren but I do think everyone needs to help and stick by your daughter and push her to seek proper help. My Dad didn't find the proper help in time so I hope that your daughter does, and I hope she sees sense. My story is on here if you would like to share it with her, it may help her to realise she doesn't want to go down the same track as my Father. I wish you all the best with your health too, I hope you all seek some comfort soon x

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