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Son on Drugs

Posted by welshspark on 2 January 2015.

My wife and I are at our wit’s end due to our son’s constant ongoing battle with drugs, he is now 29 but from the age of 14, he has been uncontrollable. Maybe that is the wrong word because we have three sons and he is the youngest, but he seems to go out of his way to cause problems when he is on a downer.
In truth at times, he can be the best loving son in the world and we are so proud of him, but then someone switches a trigger in his brain and then no one can get through to him. He becomes angry and very aggressive he gets in to trouble with the police and even tried to commit suicide 3 times.
It is all down to the people he hangs around who are either drug dealers or users; he started on the weed but then moved on to coke. Due to his addition we have had to help him out financially and pay his drug dealers over 7k and this is all over the last 12 months. We have tried all the government help lines and the likes of Frank 24/7 all a total waste of time our own doctor is unable to help.
So if anyone can suggest where we can get the help we desperately need before its too late I would be very grateful, as my wife has had a breakdown because of him has said it would be better for the family if he was dead I know she does not mean this but I guess there are people out there who know exactly where she is coming from.

Comments

lolipop
2 Jan 2015

Hi .. There are no easy answers and no one can "make " your son better only he can do that . What you can do is stop giving him money and bailing him out its the only way he will ever learn . I know how difficult it can be to say no to them when they are screaming abuse at you and smashing up your home .. I've been there ! Be kind to yourselves you deserve peace in your home and your life . In my darkest days I wished I'd never had my son and felt it would better if he was gone altogether from our lives ive even thought I would be better off dead . It's heartbreaking to watch our loved ones destroy themselves . Like your son mine can be lovely funny and kind but oh my when he wants his weed he is like a man possessed . I contacted a support group for families affected by addiction and go regularly to meetings it helps to talk especially to people who really understand how awful it is to live like this . The relief I felt telling people how things really were in my home was enormous no one at my meetings judges anyone we just listen and talk . It's a long road to walk but with support things will get better . Please speak to someone contact your gp they maybe able to give you contact numbers or check out the support pages on here .
Love Lolipop

welshspark
2 Jan 2015

Thanks for the advise I hope you son is on the road to recovery

CANT TAKE NO MORE
2 Jan 2015

Oh dear sounds like you have had a few years of stress.. I remember speaking to FRANK and have to agree, they were useless...never felt more alone..I too enabled my son, thinking I was helping, but Infact I was adding to his addiction....please please please understand one thing Hunni, it is your son who takes drugs, no one makes him..I use to say the same thing, how niave was i? Until I realised my son was and is responsible for himself.....my son lied, stole, was aggressive and we put up with it for far too long...the day I to,d him to stop contacting me until he was serious about getting help, was the best thing I could have done as his mother..it half killed me not knowing where he was, or what he was doing, but his behaviour was making me ill.....he's in recovery, and yes he has relapsed afew times  but I know nothing I say will change his mind...it really is down to him! Addiction is bloody awful, but many forget about those close to the addict...stay strong,and please stop bailing him out.......hugs xxx

welshspark
4 Jan 2015

Thanks for your words of wisdom. and we have finaly made up our mind no matter how hard it is going to be for us as caring parents we have to stop helping him by bailing him out with money. He has to learn the hard way, maybe he needs to learn what it's like to loose everything that he has worked hard for before reality sinks in. Bloody Drugs it makes me so angry how easy they are to get hold of and the government does nothing to help all parties

CANT TAKE NO MORE
4 Jan 2015

Hi welsh spark....please see if there's a support group near you, for you..it really makes a difference...,stay strong and know that your decision to stop enabling him is the right thing to do for him....hugs x

Icarus Trust
5 Jan 2015

Hi Welshspark
What you are going through is very hard and it is really important that you have some support for yourself.
The Icarus Trust is a charity which supports people like you who are having to live with the impact of the addiction of a family member. We offer a service of trained volunteers  called 'Family Friends'. It may help you to talk to one of them as they are very experienced and would understand what you are coping with. They would also be able to signpost you to other services that are available.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
Good luck with everything. I hope that this may help.

sad and tired
22 Jan 2015

Hi I have been there with my son, the biggest bit of advice I can give is stop giving him cash, stop bailing him out, he needs to see the results of the route he is taking. it is not easy but I am starting to see the results.  Tell him you are always there for him when he needs help to sort his self out but you will not fund his life style anymore.  That is what you are doing when you give cash.  Be strong good luck xx

sad and tired
22 Jan 2015

Hi I have been there with my son, the biggest bit of advice I can give is stop giving him cash, stop bailing him out, he needs to see the results of the route he is taking. it is not easy but I am starting to see the results.  Tell him you are always there for him when he needs help to sort his self out but you will not fund his life style anymore.  That is what you are doing when you give cash.  Be strong good luck xx

welshspark
1 Apr 2015

Hi just an update on my son, firstly thanks for your support it has been a great help to know we are not alone. He basically hit a real low not long after I wrote my first comment, he had been on one of his full weekend on god knows what. We had to break into his house and found him on the floor totally spaced out, when I eventually got him to come around just as his mum was about to ring 999.

He then went at us like a demon possessed throwing things at us including a coffee table, saying we had no right to be in his house and he physically threw us out. On his doorstep I gave him a final ultimatum that if we left his house that night without sorting something out there would be no more help from me and his mum. Plus I would never have anything to do with him ever again and I meant it although it was breaking my heart inside.

I don’t to this day fully know why, but he said sorry and asked for our help so still being firm I told him that he does what we tell him to do and no questions. The next day I took my son and wife to our family doctors and fully explained to him where we were at, I think this time he could see we were desperate with both my wife and son crying and me not far of it. He put my son on a course of medication for two months to help him sleep and calm down where he was climbing the walls.

We also found a local drug counselling service who gave him one on one face time, both these have helped no end, but because of the financial cost of the drugs he had to give up his rented property. As I would not help him out with paying these people any more, he has started a new job and works away a lot in London so what he gets up too there I can’t comment. But when he is back home on the weekends he seems to be a totally different person who is trying to get his life back on track, he is still smoking a joint or two but no more snorting coke or the handfuls of Diazepam / Valium he was taking. We all know it’s like walking on eggshells and things could change in a blink of an eye, but for the moment there is light at the end of the tunnel and we are more like the loving happy family we once were (fingers crossed)

Icarus Trust
13 Apr 2015

Hi Welshpark
Am glad that things have improved for you and your son. Don't forget The Icarus Trust supports the friends and families of addicts  if you want to talk anything through with us.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
I hope that things continue to go well. Good luck!

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