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Posted by desperado! on 30 October 2014.

I last posted on here Aug 21st when I told my story about how my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years had admitted smoking heroin and said he had stopped and I had a feeling he was still using.

Well the update on the whole situation is he was still smoking heroin and " kept it from me to protect me!!" Since then I have had a tough time....constantly assuring me he had given up...accessing help and walking out of treatment because he was worried about.me looking after 4 children on my own ( which I have done for the past 4/5.months since this horredous ordeal started) I have taken him away from our area as he asked...left him at his relatives caravan without transport as he asked for him to catch a taxi back to go and 'score'....have put up with lies and behaviour that is that of an addict!! He did finally give up Heroin but his behaviour still hadnt changed...I had what I would say was a mini breakdown....spent the day crying and got totally drunk...I was really low and out of control!! Next day I made the decision to  go and seek help from my gp...they prescribed me antidepresants which I started straight away and made some huge decisions that day to look after me and my kids and not be a part of all this!! I told my bf and was really strong...he phoned me up and admitted he had stopped Heroin but hadnt been able to stop smoking crack which was a totally surprise as I thought it was just heroin he had been taking!! I felt so sick to the bottom of my stomach.but like before agreed to help him stop. This was Monday this week and since then he has told me has been clean but I know different. Missing foil from my drawer...foil in the garden that wasnt there before as I had cleaned it...going off numerous times.during the day ...finding a reciept for £250 withdrawn on the 18th and having nothing left and being gone for hours and to top it off the lies...I have caught him out with them and these are major....no one would believe the extent he has gone to!! Im now at the point of not caring but I have noticed his attitude is hostile when I tell him Ive had enough...last night was the.final straw when I had caught him out with a huge lie...he said he was so embarrassed and couldnt face me...so I left it...he kept txting me saying he felt ashamed he had lied but it wasnt to do drugs...he loved me and I deserved better so I rang him to say he should come and see me and have a cuppa...he got into a rage on the phone...blamed me for his anxiety and put the phone down!!!! And thus is how its been since...texts to say he loves me but when I speak to him or see him he gets into a small rage and storms off!! How do I deal with this??? I want him to just go and I can carry on but if Im honest I feel like I should help him and also am a bit scared of his mental state??
Anyone else been through something like this??

Comments

desperado!
30 Oct 2014

The reciept was dor the 28th which was Tuesday!

CazAndyx
31 Oct 2014

I hear your pain, it's a heart wrenching journey you are on and as much as you may not like hearing this, but so is he. I genuinely don't believe anyone by  choice choses a life of an addict. The drug consumes their whole life, choices they would never contemplate if they weren't drug addicts. 
He no doubt that still adores you and would if he had one wish never have taken the drug. It's the drug you hate not him. 
I recently lost my brother to it, so I can empathise with how you are feeling. I just prey that he can find the strength to beat it, but it's the hardest fight for life I have ever witnessed. 
Seek help for yourself through adfam or drugfam, both offer invaluable support to families. 
You must look after yourself, and believe him when he says how hard it is. It goes against everything they have grown up believing, he has to lie, who would accept their last penny being spent but his desire to have the drug takes him  into a false reality. It's a wicked wicked addiction. 
Be strong, stay focused, seek supports for yourself, hate the drug not him and believe that if he had one wish he would likely say he wishes he never tried it..

Icarus_Trust
6 Nov 2014

Hi Desperado!

For a situation of this level, you need to speak to people who have had a similar experience, who can relate to you in one form or another.  The Icarus Trust is an charity which provides a free Family Friend, who is someone for you to speak to.  And then there is a signposting service to help you find the best help for you, your family and your situation.  Please get in touch with them on info@icarustrust.org or go to their website www.icarustrust.org.  They can make all the difference!

Best of luck!

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