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Struggling

Posted by Daughter of alcoholic on 29 April 2014.

I'm really struggling here! My Dad has been an alcoholic the whole of my life and I'm 21, in fact he's been addicted to alcohol for most of his life too. He started when he was 12, drinking his Dad's home brew and it progressed from there. He's 41 years old and has known he's had a problem since he was about 30 but refused any form of help. The last 3 years have been horrendous as he's been admired into hospital 5 times, as he has major cirrhosis of the liver and had internal bleeding. Each time they said he couldn't have another drop of alcohol and he promised he wouldn't. Yet again we've been faced with the same problem though. Everything hit an all time low on Boxing Day 2013 when my dad was rushed to hospital via ambulance. He was bleeding from everywhere and ended up having a seizure. He then spent 8 days in a coma while they tried to get the toxins out his blood. This was a terrible experience and from then on I decided he had to come and live with me so I could support him. It's now April and he hadn't touch alcohol at all until last week! I don't know what triggered it but he won't stop now, he's had an appointment at the doctors and is going to addaction tomorrow for proper help but I just don't know what to do. I have a 7 month old baby and live in a tiny flat with my partner. My partner has a 2 year old son who sleeps over and we have no room. I feel selfish and everyone tells me to stop thinking about myself but I physically can not look after my dad and everyone else, I feel so run down and rubbish and have no one to talk to who understands. My dad sneaks out all the time and I never hear him so then I spend all day looking for him and calling him, worrying if he's dead when I need to be looking after my daughter. I hope to addaction centre can help tomorrow because if not I'm stuck for options :( Is anyone else in a similar position that can chat?

Comments

bluexxx
5 May 2014

Hey xx

I read your story and had to wipe away tears, I really feel for you. This is the first time I have been on a site like this 
I've not once spoke to anyone about my life and what I am going through. I'm a sister of an alcoholic, my brother is 21 and has been drinking extremely heavy for 8 years. I can't even begin to imagine how life is for you with your dad, parents and siblings with the same addiction is so hard to difficate. Life is a struggle especially when you have a family of your own to worry about too. You are not being selfish, you have obviously done a wonderful job and made a huge effort to help your dad, but you can't do it all. I am the lady of the house at the moment my parents are afraid of my younger brother and are manipulated puppets, I have a son of my own and commitments but I too are under extreme pressure and want so much to help my parents but the abuse from my brother when he is sober and when he is drunk its even worse. Feels lime a loosimg battle. 
To me it sounds like you are going the fort alone, you have a daughter to care for but you are also looking out for your dad, where he should be looking after you. Its not selfish of us who have tried our best to help them they need to help themselves to really appreciate it. I'm not sure of any centres or places where you can go, please don't be burdened with all of this, I'm here if you would like to talk again. Xx

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