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Struggling

Posted by Rayoflight on 31 January 2016.

Hi, I am looking for some advice as to how best to manage myself and help my son. He is 26 a beautiful caring sensitive person but he's lost to addiction Whilst I feel I have tried to do my best for him I'm not sure I'm managing  to be  a helpful mum at the moment.Since the age of 13 he has smoked weed. At 16 I asked him to move out to stay with my mum to protect my younger son. He was chaotic and dishonest in his behavior he seemed settled for a few years started college  -and met a girl who was a positive influence. Over the past 8 years he has has hit rock bottom using ketamine and most recently codeine suspension. He recently split with his girlfriend and has been unable to work. I don't feel I know the full extent of his difficulties, his ex called me tonight to tell me he was staying with another girl who uses drugs. I have asked him to come home .He blames me for the chaos he is in as I threw him out and perhaps that's partly to blame. I feel very helpless and worried. Any advice.

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AdfamAdmin
2 Feb 2016

Adfam are very sorry to hear about your difficulties. I'm afraid we're not able to offer direct advice, but you could try contacting a helpline such as DrugFAM (0300 888 2853) or Families Anonymous (0845 1200 660). If you need any further information please do not hesitate to email us on admin@adfam.org.uk.

Helenjh
4 Feb 2016

Of course he blames you it's easier than admitting it's his fault! It's his choice to use ...... My son has been an addict since the age of 14 he is 21 this year he has been in and out of rehab and on and off the wagon for both drugs and alcohol 

You cannot blame yourself for his choice! 

It took me a long time to realise there was nothing I could do except be there for my son and try to help him make better decisions .... Ultimately though it's up to him 

I try not to enable my son - I never give him money no matter what i now try not to buy him things either as I know in the pas he has sold things I've bought in order to find his habit 

I wish I had the answer for you but sadly I don't :'(

Rayoflight
4 Feb 2016

Thank you Helenjh. Its helpful not to feel so alone with it. I appreciate your honesty

Helenjh
4 Feb 2016

You just have to try and be there for him ..... try not to beat yourself up about it - this is hard and takes time to master - i think part of me will always feel like i failed my son somewhere even though i tried everything i could at one point begging social services to help me when they were sure he was just a little unruly......i hope you can find some peace that this is not your fault

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