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The Loss of My Son

Posted by Mary on 12 July 2011.

Hi to All ,
I am wanting to speak of my son who was an Addict .Today I am sad and grieving deeply for a young man who just seemed lost to his addictions
My son was found  dead in a house he was  allocated  13 days  before by the local council . He was so badly decomposed by the time he was found I could not identify him. The police used his finger prints and tattoos to identify him . he was found Wednesday third of July 10.30am 2009 he was 36 years old 
My son  from the age of 9 showed signs of addictions . Started off with the gambling machines ,  smoking ,  glue , drink and weed, and he stole to keep his habits going mainly from myself . His dad was a violent alcoholic and often beat me up  even when I was pregnant with our son , eventually we separated and I got divorced when my son was 6years old , However my son was quite attached to his dad and he wanted to be with him more than me. My son often never would do as he was told at the encouragement of his dad I had a breakdown and my son started to get into trouble with the school for his behaviour resulting in being  expelled from school at the age of 11 , I asked his dad to help  our son stop his behavior he said no, due to my illness I could not cope and my son  then went into care at 11 years of age . . I took time to heal from all the beatings and  the post natal  depression resulting in my son and I becoming more and more distant and his dad taking more to do with him with the encouragement of his social workers even although his dad  was a heavy drinker  . My son was more like his dad regards addictive habits , I soon realised it would be a battle that I never gave up on to help my son become well a battle I never won and truthfully  a battle he never would beat. My son stayed with his dad from care at the week ends . I was distraught at this as  people were telling me my son was running wild  and getting involved in shoplifting which it terns out his dad taught him from the age of three.Police were a part of his life by 14 years of age . my husband defied my pleas to let me share my son and for us to pull together to stop him from himself . I knew my  x husband was enjoying my distress at my son as he never forgave me for my strength to divorce him and get a court order for him to stay away though it proved not to be worth the paper it was written on.My son was thrown out of the his dads house the day he turned 16 years of age . I found my son wandering about with some mates he told me he was on the streets as his dad did not want him now. I took him home with me .I hoped we would manage to get on. He decided he was going down south with a pal who stayed there . He left my home at 16 years and 3 moths of age  went to London and lived a life of shoplifting joy riding in and out of jail for these recidivisms  he was an alcohol at 20 years of age  his addiction for  heroin  began too.  I spent my life trying to encourage his recovery spent thousands of pounds over the years on rents and clothes  food bills  not really seeing I was paying for his habit by doing that he was in and out of jail for most of his short life . In  April 2004  he went into a detox  and rehab ordered by a Judge  he came out from both on 19th of December 2004, I  drove down south to pick him up . He looked so well .Bright eyed  and he had  went to sun beds to gain some colour his teeth had been sorted he just amazed me , I cried with joy and  a mixture of fear  excitement  and trepidation.He came home to my house hye was so overswhelmed at how well I had done . I let him settle in . He was doinfg well he joined A.A. N.A. got his legal driving licence and I got him a car . I had a surprise for him I had bought him a lower cottage  1 bed room house . I wanted to put him where I felt he would have been if he has been living a clean life.He was overjoyed . However within a 3 months he was back on the drink and met a female  through a friend of his at the A.A she was the friends sister who was a heroin addict , they got together and he moved into her home . I eventually sold the house I had bought for his use in the hope I would sign it over to him . , he did not want it. They lived together in their addictions he shop lifted  for their habits , he was caught started going to jail . then in  November 2008 they spilt up , he went to jail she went to hospital  first to have very bad leg  ulcers treated and my son got no help there .He came pout of Jail in the January .went to a homeless unit where addicts are put till fit to go for a house . He was given medication as he wanted to stop his addiction because he knew he had went too far in the years they stayed together . they were two very ill people.My son got the house on the 22nd of May 2009 and he overdosed on all the medication they gave him I believe on the 23rd May I just felt he was dead .The authorities would not give me his address due to the data protection act over the 10 days I called to ask them to tell me if my son was all right  as he had sent me a text on the 22nd of May asking me to come and feed him and help him as he was put in an empty house but he did not give his address  and he text me from a B.T call box. That did not matter to the housing or social work. My son did so much damage to his body and mind over all the years he told me he would kill himself  as a mother I was frantic with him. I could not stop my son from doing as he wished . I was helpless and the situation was hopeless. I can say I do not feel guilty as I tried the best I could .I truly deeply  loved my son .always will and my heart is broken for all of it .My memories are painful my joy short. I understand from my experiences circumstances can influence a person, and pain can lead to addictions . I myself suffered in this life . I am tee total do not smoke , I have a  daughter  my eldest who travelled the world  is married happy and lives a successful life with her husband . I kn ow she stepped back from her young brother as she needed to . My son  even understood that  he admired her and loved her. She said of his death it was tragic and so hurtful. and though they could not share their lives as she would not allow his addictions to destroy her ,she said I always loved him.We will never get over his death .I owe it to him though to ,keep going as he was proud of me and his sister

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