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time to stop or drop

Posted by rock on 24 June 2013.

So I have not been on this site before and not sure how to start. My mum has been an alcoholic for the last 16 years. - please bare in mind I am 21 years old. In that 16 years I have been trying to get my mum to seek help but she has never wanted to..my older brother and sister have also tried. In april this year I broke up with my partner who I lived with and so I moved back in with my mum..I didn't want this due to my rollercoaster childhood but i had no other options. I have been helping sort out some of my mums debts of which have built up due to her lack of interest in anything but drink...crikey that was hard but there was more of a shock to come. One night in may, I was sat telling mum the usual about her drinking and she as usual sat quiet in her own world. At this point mum was jundice (excuse the spelling) She went to the toilet to be sick a few times and after the second time i realised she was vomitting blood. I called nhs direct and had to take her through to the hospital. Mum wanted to go to bed but I knew something wasn't right. After a long day at work, I sat with her in the waiting room to eventually be told she was critical and she was being admitted there and then. The emergency team rushed her through to have blood tests and give her some anti sickness medication and much more. The doctor advised that she may nees an emergency blood transfusion there and said if I had not taken her in...tomorrow would be a different story. Alcoholism was killing my mum and i was sat watching her slowly going. I sat by her side watching helplessley as she was being brought back to strength. When she was eventually put on the emergency assesment unit, I made sure she was settled and I finally left her to drive my 20 mile journey home at 4.30am. So to now cut my story short, mum was kept in for 14 days, they gave her some medication to deal with her withdrawals. She has now been home for 4 weeks and is getting better day by day but she still has a long way to go. I have been by her side every minute I possibly can along with going to work, looking after the house and making sure the bills are paid. I have just last week been signed off work myself with anxiety and depression along with having insomnia. It is all looking up for mum...45 days without a drink...she doesnt want one and she is starting to gain her stability back however it is all looking down for me...I have taken on too much and I have wore myself to absolute breaking point and I can't see a way out. 
I have flashbacks everyday of that one day where I thought I had lost her, if she ever turns back to alcohol,  we all know I will lose her.
Please if anyone can use my story to maybe help a loved one...please do. I will happily speak more about it if necessary as speaking out loud is my only way to handle it. I am the only one who has been here for my mum and I try to think I have done her proud.

Comments

Alison
12 Jul 2013

I've just read your story and have tears in my eyes, and I'd like to be able to look into yours and say 'let go of it all and just breathe'.
How amazing you were there and did what you did; how glad I am to hear you've got some time off work - please use it on yourself, on your own recovery from not only recent events, but your childhood as it was.  
Do you go to an Al Anon Family Group? (Or did you go to an Alateen Group?)  If not, I recommend that you try going to a weekly meeting - give it 6 meetings so that you give it a chance.  You need good things for you and Al Anon, although not perfect (nothing is in an ongoing sense) is hugely helpful and you'll get very real, human support there.
You've done your mum more than proud and I hope that she returns the committment and love you're giving her.  
Take care of you.

josohappy
4 Aug 2013

I have just signed up so I could reply to your post. I am searching today to try and find help for my brother in law and to some extent my partner, I read your post and thought what a remarkable strong young lady you are. Please make sure that you access every ounce of help you can, from your GP, your family and every agency possible. I hope your Mum is proud of you, because she should be! I would be! 

I think Alison is right go to the AA family group, give yourself some "me" time and give yourself a great big pat on the back! Let your Mum know how scared you were and how close to death she was, let her know how hard it has been for you and let her know that you love her!  Strength and hope to you!xx

rock
4 Aug 2013

Thank you both for your comments. It is good to hear others believe I have done the right thing. Since writing my post my mum had got lots better however unfortunately on a day I was working she stumbled and turned back after 3 months. I feel after everything I have done and been through for her that I have just been kicked down and that nothing I have done has helped however I am the only person here for her and I jave to

rock
4 Aug 2013

Sorry...I have to keep strong and keep fighting. I just hope and pray that I can get her through this. X

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