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title What can I do?

Posted by maryjoan on 14 January 2015.

My partner is an alcoholic. He denies it, commonly enough. He has been a heavy drinker for about 50 years - he is now 68. We have been together 4 years, and live together. I love him dearly, and felt I had met 'the one' after an awful previous marriage.
His health is now suffering, I know  and he has lots of hospital appts, but does not admit how much he drinks. I have written to his doctor and told him, but because of confidentiality issues, the doctor cannot respond to me. I have taken the doctor to one side at the hospital and told him.
We are talking about 3/4 bottles of whisky every week. He has a regular routine of his 'night cap'  and after one tumbler full will say ' I will be along to bed shortly' that is his indication that I should go to bed, whilst he drinks. He also takes many paracetamol at night.
What worries me is that he is over the drink limit when he is driving next morning 0 he drives hospital patients to their appts.
Last night astounded me. He had been shaky and shivery all day and did not feel well. He would not eat his meal in the evening, but downed a third of a bottle of 40% whisky and went to bed. This morning he is out and about driving again.
Do you think the shaking is the DT's? I cannot share this with my family as I am ashamed. He is obsessive compulsive with funny little habits - but he has now got into the habit of doing the lottery and spending a lot of money on that as well as the drink - his pension does not easily support his habits. As I type I can almost see that the answer is I should leave him......he is loving, caring, supportive, oh dear.........

Comments

Hi Maryjoan,
I can see that your husband's drinking is really hard for you to come to terms with, and it often helps  to talk through your worries and feelings with people that have had similar experiences. I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust which tries to support people like yourself who are dealing with a loved one's addiction. If you contact us you could be put in touch with one of our 'Family Friends'. These are experienced trained volunteers who would understand the issues you are facing. Talking with one of these might help you to find a way ahead as well as signpost other services that might help your husband.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
I hope that you will find this helpful. Good luck.