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Torture

Posted by Pally on 11 April 2013.

The only thing i can compare my life to is being tortured. My daughter will be 27 soon and has had an alchohol problem since she was 14. Until a couple of years ago i thought it was only alcohol until she got sent to prison for drink driving and then i discovered that she had had a cardiac arrest from taking someone elses methodone and had also been arrested for possession of Ketamine. I guess i lived with my head in the sands but being someone who doesn't even smoke i believed everything she said. So over the last couple of years i have had to deal with visiting prison, which was hell for me, seeing muy daughters decline from bad to worse. Watching her have a convulsion in my garden and thinking she was dead. My daughter was a beautiful child and so sweet. She now looks like a down and out and will very likely lose her teeth soon. She was in hospital three times last year and often has bladder problems which is most likely due to Ketamine. She always has a longterm boyfriend, but they have gone from bad to worse and this one is an ex heroin addict who is also an alcoholic and lets her do what she wants as long as she doesn't leave him. I think of my daughter as soon as i wake up and most of the rest of the time. It is like a living bereavment. i have lost my little girl and i can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. She doesn't want to give up drinking. I have to spend my time waiting for that knock on my door to say that she is dead and if she doesn't die from drugs or alcohol or a violent death, then it will be from cancer or cirrohsis. I have been to counselling over the years, but what i really need is to talk to people who understand what it is like to have a child who will very likely always be an addict and possibly die. I have been through this for 12yrs now and it never gets better. I have three other children but this doesn't help the agony of knowing how my lovely daughter spends her time. i can't imagine much torture worse than this.

Comments

Xena
20 Apr 2013

I know how you feel , life with a child with an addiction is a living hell , i live this hell every day as you do , try to be strong and find some joy , no matter how small , i cry every day as i,m sure you do we have to have some hope xxx

Pally
21 Apr 2013

Thanks Xena. I'm very sorry to hear of you're pain. Learning to live with this is the toughest thing. I find it very difficult to hope, so I just try to enjoy the brief times I spend with my daughter. If I can be of any support to you I am here xxx

Doing the best that I can
20 Jun 2013

I don't know what to say apart from I read it feel in hell myself but want you to know that someone is listening even if they don't know what to do, read my blog called happening now don't know if we can help each other at the moment but maybe we can get stronger from it

lexy
3 Jul 2013

My son is only seventeen, but I feel I know your story already. I often say I feel like I am being tortured. My heart goes out to you, you are not alone. feel free to get in touch if u want.

Pally
4 Jul 2013

Thanks for you're messages. I don't know how to contact you both so please email me: f1_speed@hotmail.com

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