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what to do......

Posted by sad and tired on 24 May 2014.

After getting sacked for not bothering to go to work.  My son says he starts a new job Monday, trouble is as usual he has not paid his car finance, insurance and road tax is due.  Usually I bail him out cos he spends ALL his money on his nights out and there is nothing left for bills.  Now I have thrown him out, he has asked me to take out a loan to pay his debts and his court fines, I have said no. Trouble is if he loses his car he cant work, I have paid out hundreds and hundreds of pounds and am sick of it. .....what do I do, last month I had £160 charges on my account because of helping him out, he doesn't appreciate it and is verbally abusive to me, and doesn't even get in touch unless he wants something.  So why do I still feel so guilty.

Comments

concerned mum
25 May 2014

Hi...Stay strong and dont do it....I know its horrible and as a mother they make us feel as guilty as hell but you know yourself if you do pay for it now you are going to keep on there will always be something..

My son did exactly the same to me has bled me dry of money...To the point he was evicted and ended up on street until he was rehoused he begged me to pay for bed and breakfast for him.   I said no he had had money to pay for it himself and decided to blow it.....I could nt sleep was worried to death what would happen but knew I had to be cruel to be kind...You know what....he survived it has his own flat is practically kitted out again and I have had three weeks without any abuse or asking for money.  Im not saying he is clean but he knows not to ask me anymore....What happens if you just cant afford to do it?  Cant raise the money from anywhere? overdrawn....credit cards maxed out...you would have to say no.....He will get to work if he really wants to he will find a way.  Like they find a way of getting other stuff they REALLY want....Tell him to get his mates to drop him off and pick him up.....DONT GIVE IN.....youll keep on doing it.....Take care big hugs xxxxx

CANT TAKE NO MORE
25 May 2014

Hey hunni's hope your both ok. So he managed to get another job, and wants you to pay so he can use his car..well there are buses, cab's, trains his legs......sorry but I know from reading what he has put you through, and by bailing him out again, you will be enabling him....Tell him he will have to deal with this one himself, and save the money from his wages to pay for it.....I totally agree with concerned mum.....we have to stop giving in cause we feel its duty to help out......Stay strong.... xxx

sad and tired
30 May 2014

Do you know at this moment in time I am so angry with him.  I saw him today with the friend he is staying with and I was so shocked at how bad his friend looked, not so much my son as I see him so maybe don't notice.  My poor daughter has just been pestered by him ringing over and over until she has gone out and given him a lift and petrol (his car ran out) his tax is out tomorrow, insurance will be cancelled in five days and car finance are chasing him. He has asked me for the money I have said no..  it sounds awful but at this moment I don't want to see him again, he is bleeding me dry.  He has ruined his own life and doesn't care who else goes down with him.

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